In life we often come to a point where we miss someone. They have to be such important part of our lives that we start missing them whenever they go missing. This has happened to me, only twice in my entire life. I have missed only two ppl so far in my life. However, both these ppl re ppl who re really close to my heart for different reasons.

The first individual here tt i have missed before and i am still missing today and will miss forever is none other than my MUM. No one can ever replace her presence and there is no one who could do something even close to wat she has done for me for my entire life. I was always a kid who never wanted to stay away from home since young. YEs it did slowly change when i started going for camps during secondary sch time but even then, the most that i will stay away from home will be like 2-3 days. The only reason why i never liked staying out was cos i could never stay away from my mum for very long. Jus looking at her and living ard with her meant so much to me and nothing can get better than tt feeling tt i had. I really started missing her when i went to the army as i was forced to stay away from home very frequently and for long periods. One of the longest periods tt i have stayed away from my mum was when i went to Australia, jus 3months before she passed away. I had to stay for a gd 30 days in Australia. Trust me, in the army, u see the guys calling up their gfs at night and they chat for very long. But i am happy to say tt i was probably one of the very few tt called up my mum each time and shared with her my moments. Even when i was miles away from her in Australia, i called her whenever i could. TTs how much i missed her. And i can safely say tt she was the only one then to have missed me equally much or maybe more. She is the only person tt i could feel such a thing from. Not only do i miss her, i also miss the moment tt occured when i arrived home after tt one month trip. The smile on her face was so wide like never before. She smiled from the bottom of her heart and tt was so evident on her face then tt it was glowing. Who else would have missed me like tt and loved me in such a way? Hmmmm, really miss her and those moments. Well she was one of the two individuals tt i have missed in my life.

The second individual tt i missed, more like am missing now, is someone who is not my family member. IT is also not a fren whom i know for very long. To be honest though i have known this person for maybe abt 3 yrs already, we became proper friends and started talking to one another only at the end of 2008. Even then we were not too close but gradually we became very gd buddies. Yes, the person i m talking abt her is my BBF. The first time tt i missed her was when i went for my australia holiday trip for a week. Till then, me and my buddy were meeting each other almost every other day. We were in special sem together doing the same module. On top of tt we also met outside sch then. And after special sem ended, there came camp kathiroli where my buddy willingly helped me up! We were always seeing one another till the end of that camp. It was after tt, that i went for my trip to australia. Gosh i have to admit tt i did really miss her. Once i was landed back, i rmb sending msg to a few frens tt i was back home. IT was 4am then! And guess wat, she was the only person who called me immediately and she was so happy to talk to me. She said this when i answered her call with a laughter, "omg, i miss that laughter!" Seriously, after my mum, for someone to have waited me to come back and who called me so late at night, they really should have loved me a lot. I am sure my buddy did and i was happy cos i had missed her that much too. I did confess to her abt missing her the following week when i met her. Cant forget those times.

And then the second time tt i missed her, was when i went for my thai trip and she left for her aussie trip. Just when i tot it would stop there, now comes the third time. This time she is off to india for like a month. Seriously, it was easier to tell her tt i missed her the last time round. This time, i m just scared and fearful of expressing to her tt i miss her. So many things have changed since then and tts why now i cant openly express anything,like i used to before. But fact is, i do miss her. It is not as if i cant talk to her and its not as if i cant msg her or wat. We still do talk by webcam and thru msges. But its just the feeling tt she is not anywhere nearby me. There were times tt i have just drove to her place just to see her knowing tt its tt easy. Whenever i feel like seeing my buddy, i could just call her up and ask her out. But now, i wouldnt be able to do tt. Glad tt two and a half weeks have already past. In no time, she'd be back here. And i guess she'd think i m probably mad for missing her, though its just like one month tt she is gonna be away and already 1/2 of the time has past. Furthermore, i am not her bf or wat, just a fren. So yea for me to miss her like tt, she'd probably think i m mad. But Fact is, just a yr back when i was in perth, tts the same way we genuinely missed one another, just as frens. That is exactly the way tt i miss her even now.

Haiz jus missing my buddy now and that was the reason for me to put up this post. It is not very often tt Garnie misses someone, but these two ppl tt i have mentioned here, are just so special to me, that they re being missed by me. Well well, Guess i'd wrap up my post here then, adiyosssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!
Ganeshan | 7:16 AM

As each day passes, it feels like something is taken out of me. I dunno wat makes me feel as such. Maybe its a combinations of various reasons. Whatever tt made me smile in the yr 2009, have all turned upside down. I never expected such incidents to ever happen but it did. And the best i can do is to live with it. As though everything is so perfect in my life, i have to step onto a new phase in life now. Even i dun know where the next step is but i know it is abt time. One thing i have realised in my life is tt the moment i become happy abt something and start to live with tt happiness, it jus goes away from me sooner or later. It just keeps happening.

I remember i was staying away from all troubles from the start of 2009. Just making sure i would be able to come out of the darkness tt surrounded me for an entire yr. A few incidents tt also made things worse then, caused me to just stay away and ignore watever tt was happening in my life. I seriously felt much better then. I didnt have to worry abt anything. LiFe was going on pretty fine and i was doing well in sch and all. After tt, a chain of incidents occured. A lot of things tt changed my life in a very huge way, happened then in 2009. As i said earlier, i felt happy for all of tt and i started living with it. Probably one of the best yrs for me. Haiz. I came out of the darkness much sooner than i expected. Thanks to one of them in specific for adding that colour to my life. The shift to the new place, reuniting with my sis was another major change tt boosted my happiness even further. Every change seemed like its for the better. The results in sch reflected how confident and happier i was.

365 days later, now i am standing here, lost almost all tt were the reasons for my happiness jus a yr before. How is it possible tt life has taken one huge 180degress turn? I really dunno but guess this is all fated. I realise i only have myself at the end of the day to help myself. Its just me alone. So far i have taken all the beatings life has been giving me and i am surprised i can still stand. But seriously i am wearing out. Withering away. As everyone would advice and suggest, i'm too am looking forward for a better future and hoping tt it would come soon....
Ganeshan | 9:36 PM

Haizzzzzzzzz.... Life has changed so much ever since the start of this yr... Who would have known tt i would be feeling like tt on this day... One twist after another and here i m left alone... Confused, sad, mad, disturbed, irritated and lost. Sometimes u wonder, cant we just go back in time?................
Ganeshan | 9:34 PM

Watched Raavanan yesterday. I loved vikram's acting a lot. Guess u gotta appreciate this kinda art movies if u wanna like the movie. If u re the singam kind of masala movie person, well u can forget abt watching raavanan cos the movie wun just meet ur needs. Anyway, there is one thing tt the movie portrayed well. A bad guy is usually not the bad guy always, and also a good guy will also have some negative shades to him. This is very true in our lives. Often when we see a person in a negative light, and when we tell our frens abt them in a negative way, the person is seen like as though he is a heartless villain. But for sure there is another side to him that was failed to explore and the story told might have even been a lie to make him sound villainish. Why i am saying this is tt such a thing occured to me not once but twice. I know for sure that some ppl have a very different impression of me now. They might even hate me. But truthfully, go ahead if u hate me. Seriously, i dun wanna change tt if tts the way u opt to see me. Its always those who never knew the full version of the story tt end up hating me. They just believe in entirely from wat they hear. Proving to these kinda ppl that i m not the person they perceive me to be, is surely needless.

I always try to learn from mistakes, be it my own mistakes or mistakes by others. Even recently, there was one such learning process tt i was involved in. And i think the way tt i have understood and adapted to the situation seems to be appropriate and well accepted. I have come to a point where i dun really care on how some ppl comment abt me, as long as they re not directly my frens and i wouldnt really be affected if anything was to happen regarding our friendship. On the other hand, if it was a close fren who is saying unreasonable things behind my back, i guess all i will do is to forgive and forget and if the friendship is really important to me, i totally would not shy away from any efforts to bring back the friendship together.

It is also important how we treat certain ppl. I have always believed in this policy. Regardless of whether or not u re talked abt or appreciated, once u choose to show care and concern for someone, just go ahead and do so. Of cos one impt lesson tt i learnt is tt i cant really do it limitlessly. There re boundaries to everyone. And i should not cross it even if it seems like everything is fine and ok. Cos one fine day, the unexpected will still happen. So even when doing gd to someone, u gotta be careful. The world and its people have changed to such an extent tt it becomes wrong sometimes to be too nice haha.

A gd approach to this kindaf problem will be to continue being nice and gd, and then disappear or shy away for some time so tt the deed done has sunken in. After some gap, come back again and show ur niceness again and disappear yet again. Well, the reason for disappearing is quite simple. Once u start being nice and keep doing so without a stop. it mite cos some kindaf suspicion to the person on the receiving end. Though there might be no intentions or watsoever, its just an insecure feeling tt we might give to the person if we re being too nice. Cos not everyone does things without expectations.

I am simply following this approach nowadays. It surely keeps me away from probs. Anyway, i m really low on cash now since i spent a lot whenever i was out. To make matters worse, my dad does not offer me pocket money all the time. He seems to like forget abt it quite frequently nowadays. Adding to that, i dun feel like going for the casino work again since it makes me look stupid. I m sure i dun have to go thru such sufferings. I sure deserve a much better kindaf job. So somehow, i am giving myself a free period for the next three weeks before my holidays come to an end.

Haizzzz. Somehow, life aint tt interesting like it used to be....
Ganeshan | 6:27 AM

Was such a nice day today! MEt up with junaidah after so many weeks of not seeing her. The last i saw her was for the EID open hse. Junda had to come all the way from her workplace, which is at chang yi. We met at city hall at ard 7. I knew somehow tt our outing will be short since she has her curfew. So we went marina sq, ate pizza together and we headed home. But well getting to talk to a fren like junda after so long made me feel so refreshed and good. It was really nice with her company. Some ppl definately know how to make me happy and she is one of those. Despite all the worries i have, just tend to forget them with frens like her ard. Thank you junda! You made my day!
Ganeshan | 9:11 AM

I feel so fucked up about everything in life now. I dun know why this is happening. Haiz. This yr has definately been bad so far. Bad news after bad news and especially now, things re reaching its peak. Be it family, financial or love, everything has been failures so far.

I wished i was just luckier somehow and was somebody else totally. There has been no peace for a very long time already. Last yr when i shifted in together with my sis and her children, life became much better and i was really happy about everything. The place was so near my sch and all of us were doing so fine. One fine day the news broke up within the hse that we needed to sell off and move out soon. And well, after getting so used to the place and settling down as if this would be the place tt i'd be in forever, this damn news came upon. I am more worried about my travelling to sch, my studying pattern and all. I was so used to my room and it was a very nice place to study. It did reflect in my marks for both the sems that i did while in the hse. Now its gonna be changed entirely and i'll never get back this room again. And tt scares me cos i do wanna perform like this all the way. Fuck laa. To add on, my hse was so near the damn sch. Tt was really a major plus pt as i have never gotten shagged since i could wake up much later for sch and when i returned home very late from sch, it was so damn easy. Now tt too will be changed. This is definately gonna affect. Cb laaa.

I know we had to leave the hse in a very short notice of time. And i understand my sis and bro in law re putting in tremendous efforts in finding a hse asap despite their very hectic schedules. But seriously, accessibility is the key thing i am looking at. Yesterday they told me its most prob bukit panjang. And from wat they described, it is a damn screwed up place in terms of accessibilty. They told me it has direct bus to orchard and central areas but tts not wat i'm looking for. My work place is gonna be at tuas and i have to be there by 7.30am each day. They told me it takes 13minutes to walk from the hse to the bus stop, then have to take either the LRT or bus to Chua chu kang. And worse still the LRT stop is one of the last stop in the line so reaching CCK itself takes lots of time. After tt i have to continue the journey from Chua Chu kang to pioneer. WTF. TT is long. ITs almost the same as travelling from yishun. In fact i think from yishun it was more straight forward. So much of hassle. Haiz. IT is at this kind of time tt moving in together might have been a wrong move. IT is very hard to please everyone.

For me my stuides are the most impt thing in my life now. My last leg somemore. I dun wanna screw up. That is why i m so concerned abt all this transport issues. I really dunno wat to do haiz. My dad is a major cause for all these to happen. If only he was responsible enuff, we could have avoided all this changes for the past yr. It is so fucking annoying to shift again and again. It doesnt reflect nice on ya too. I am totally sickened by everything. Haiz. Cb laaa. Now i dunno how to put it to my sis or bro in law tt bukit panjang is seriously a bad choice though the hse might be nice. Haiz. I seriously dunno sia. I feel bad cos they have been doing everything to run the family and here i am like complaining abt this kindaf stuff. But i have no choice.

With this prob up in my head, there are other things happening at the same time. And i dunno why. Am i really tt unlucky? Why isnt my time not gd at all? It is always bad infact. I dunno why this is happening but fuck i m just getting irritated with the way my life is. And i am losing hope tt it would get better. I cant wait to get my own job and settle down. TT is when things will take a turn. Until then, its gonna be shit life. Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! This is so bladie annoying.
Ganeshan | 7:37 PM

well i have already started missing my bbf! There was never a day where we never communicated with one another. At least there would be some kindaf texting going on. But now, its a one month period tt i mite not be able to hear from her. Hopefully she gets internet connection or wat. Though i have so many frens around, this bbf jus proves to be one of a kind! Wish one month would pass by fast. With no Sunshine, life is gonna be absolutely Dull!
Ganeshan | 10:52 AM

Haha, well i am smiling. Cos i enjoyed myself the whole of yesterday and guess my very close frens aint gonna be happy. But well, truth is no one knows better than me abt wat happened and there re so much of history and memories involved and not just the arguements and quarrels tt these ppl know of. For me to have asked for and made yesterday happened was cos of the one thing tt i realised and appreciated. When i had to ask myself who was the one who made me smile the most throughout the past yr, there was only one name tt came to me and tts the same name tt made me smile for almost the entire yr. So many nice and sweet memories. How can i put the negativity before such lasting memories. Lucky tt i saw things in a pretty diff way and never got influenced no matter wat advice came to me. Not to put down all my other frens who cared for me so much and adviced me for my own gd, but guess i'm the only one who can see the entire picture clearly since its between two people.

The world woudlnt really agree with a guy girl friendship being so close together. But wat if it exist? There is sure gonna be more specualtions tt this wun last than ppl saying its alright. But wat matters the most is how the guy and gal recieve tt friendship and the trust they have between one another. I think i had to ask tt question yesterday to make sure tt i m trusted, cos the last time the answer was otherwise and tt really broke my heart like no other fren had done to me. But well, this time it was a more appropriate answer though it wasn't fully trust as the answer. Well i dun wanna influence any answer out of anyone, but wat i can say is tt i have been really tt truthful to the level tt i have not been to anyone else in my life.

I am quite irritated with how others re dragged into the picture between me and my fren. Wat ever probs tt exist is between the both of us. Be it the cousins or close frens, they have no reason to ask me to back off. Seriously who the fuck re they to say tt. I dun see why this ppl re so angry. They only know 1/4 of the story and not even 1/2. I wasnt too happy abt how one of the cousins reacted by wanting me to back off and totally stop talking. Of cos for him to have made such a statement, he should have been told a diff version of the story, and i think it wasnt fair for wat had happened to have reached his ears. But nevertheless, wat has happened has happened. But just to let everyone know, anyone who wants me to back off, no matter who it is, if u dare say it to my face, u'd probably gonna recieve the worst beating of ur life, no matter who the fuck you re. Nobody tries to break my friendship with someone for any reason, unless the person involved herself wants it to end. But i am quite sure that wun happen at all, i have my trust in her.

Guess enuff has been said abt tt. There are nicer things to talk abt which was yesterday. I dun know abt her but i did enjoy every moment with her. Truth is i am very sad tt she's gonna leave on the 12th for a period of one month. And it is definately gonna be very tuff to meet for almost the entire yr since both of us will be seperated by IA, work and sch. I wanted to do as much as i can with her yesterday. And yes coming to think abt it, a lot was done. Bowling, arcade, shopping, fountain and song dedication, dinner and finally we ended of at clark quay. I did enjoy the dinner surprisingly though i tot i wouldnt like the food. But i actually did. And for once, she was the beggining for everything!!!(for that dinner only actually haha). I was dispappointed with the laser dedication, really wanted to do it but damn, the plan jus failed. But nevermind, at least the dedication was read out. Guess i was still the beggining for that segment in her life haha.

She should be wondering why i wanted her to pick out dresses that she likes. I wun ask someone to do something without having something in mind. Just gotta wait for the answer. I hope i cleared everything with her though i couldnt really say everything i had in mind cos her frens had arrived by then. Well, hopefully there will be a phonecall or something else before she flies off. But well, i was happy just to see my buddy yesterday. It is a nice feeling everytime i meet her. I actually kinda confessed tt i was gonna laugh out loud the day when she was angry... hahaha. Coming to think abt it, i should have jus hecked it and laughed. Tt was the true feeling. Furthermore, me forcing myself to be angry tt day jus cos she was angry didnt bring out any gd. Damn, wrong move.

A lot of things could have happened but end of the day she is still important as a fren to me and i cant let it go that easily. In fact i will never let go. As far as i m concerned, this is one frienship tt is really diff in a lot of aspects yet very important to me and i will do anything to sustain it. My buddy will always remain close to my heart no matter wat, and guess tts wat defines the last word in the term bbf!!! I'll miss ya dearly bbf......
Ganeshan | 8:48 PM