soccer was damn tiring today but very fun!! glad tt we have successfully been playing for three weeks already. This entire week i was only able to book for one day of work. It sucks. I m really pissed working with this stupid organisation. Shitz! Anyway,watched a stupid movie on sat! Kitez. A very fucked up movie with almost thinline plot. The cast was hot though but wats the pt. I was not willing to pay eleven bucks for such a stupid movie. Hard earned money going down the drain so easily!

I realise one thing abt myself. I seem to like taller girls somehow. Girls who club drinks, girks who know how to enjoy themselves at the same time who can work and study equally well can be considered my type. Its tough to find ppl of such gd mix though. I am somehow not so into gals who re short which is a irony cos i myself am short compared to all my other guy frens haha! I am only 170cm. Well, it cant be explained why we ppl re like tt haha. Its just weird.
Ganeshan | 8:49 AM

Past week i finally got paid for doing work at Marina Bay Sands. I was suppose to work 4 days but ended up working for only two cos the company was being bastard. Giving me a fucking job tt for sure is not suitable for me. I am not trying to boast or wat but i think i m seriously over qualified for doing some shit job. So i decided to cancel my slots for tue an thur respectively! Nvm i have earned enuff to keep my weekends funfilled. hahaha.

There is somethings tt u'd never be able to forget or let go. There re also some things abt the past tt i cannot comprehend at all. I should have handled it properly from the start maybe, if not wat has happened today wouldnt have happened at all. I guess things might have been very diff if only the proper touch was given. And one thing is for very sure, all guys are manipulative. No guy can be that nice, its just the way that they deceive the ppl ard them. Time will reveal the flaws and ulterior intentions of ppl.

I have learnt thru hard and quite painful ways not to really share my emotions with anyone else. Tts the best way. Some will say its not good to bottle up ur feelings cos it will break u down. Haha. The reversed happened for me though and i dun wanna go thru such things again. Since i have always got the tendency to learn from my mistakes, i'll never repeat any of my stupidity in the future.

There is this person whom is my idol and i actually have picked out certain things from him regarding handling with emotions and all. Tt person actually said in an interview, "wat's the pt of telling people the way u feel, most of the time they hardly dun care. Just live ur life the way it is and take the things the way it turns out to be!" Guess thats the path tt i am undertaking.

For me to say this, there re reasons. Well let me just state out one. At a time where i didnt feel like telling ppl the way tt i feel and stuff, some of my own frens show lots of concern and wanted to know how i felt and they really were being there for me. Then it actually made me think tt, no matter wat, i'd have this one or two ppl who i can rely on to let out my inner emotions which i hardly let out to ppl who know me. I dun like to share my emotions simply because i dun want ppl to see me differently. They always thing i am a damn happy go lucky fellow which is wat i exactly want. Though i am like tt, i still chose to be diff to this one or two ppl. But then as time progresses, ppl change and they way that they behave towards ya change. I dunno why tt is so but well, thats the fact. They jus change. And when tt happens and u still believe tt they will be there to hear u out, u re totally doomed. U re simply gone shit. And tt day when u realise tt u cant really depend on them and they re not tt willing to hear u out like they used to, u'd really feel miserable.

Best is not to trust anyone. I have always been let down after trusting someone so so much. Therefore, i cant carry on doing tt. Whatever that has happened has happened and it cant be changed. For those who tell a diff tale with their own improvisations to the actual incident tt happened, just wanna say this to you'll. You'll know it urself that watever u are doing is to gain sympathy and so tt ppl ard ya dun see the incident the rightful way they re suppoose to see it. For a person who tries to hide the truth, they re the ppl to be blamed for watever tt happens. But well, all said and done, i cant be simply be bothered by ppl who have backstabbed me by saying things otherwise abt me behind my back. Though they think i dun know abt it at all, well i do. For me not to react at all just shows i simply have washed hands and dun care abt all this. It comes with maturity, something tt these ppl lack. And being the person i am, i have put all this behind me and act as if nothing has happened. But never take me for granted, a tiger stays low only to pounce later. I'm simply like tt. So be careful with the way u re to me. I'm not tt nice afterall haha.
Ganeshan | 9:12 PM

Hmmm!!! I dun even find it safe to speak out my thoughts here. I dun wanna send out any wrong meaning. But nevertheless, i'm damn well gonna miss someone.
Ganeshan | 8:30 PM

Finally i m at home recuperating! Been out the whole of last week, with very few hrs of sleep. Last week i was packed with so much of things to do, maybe its cos of EID i guess!

Well i have been hitting the gym quite regularly. Trying to discipline myself by going gym once every two days. Hopefully it shows the results in a few weeks time. Gymming is a great way to vent out ur anger and frustrations out. It helps u work out better.

Past monday i met rama and dhivya, seperately of cos. Though i have already mentioned abt meeting with dhivya in one of my previous post, just wanted to state it out here as well. Was quite a day where nothing much was planned but i ended up meeting the two of them, one after another. You owe me a handphone cover btw! Dun u ever forget!

I really cant recall wat i did on tue or wed, but i can vaguely rememebr myself watching kickass with sachdev, anusha and suraen. That movie, i thought was a sppof movie. Bladie hell turn out to be some violent movie. I liked it cos it wasnt wat i expected haha... though i wun really give it that good a rating. But well, its alright laa. I aslo went down to apply for some part time job. Guess i got in already with a pay of 7dollars per hr. Since i was broke the past week, i was desperate to take up anything and get money out of it.

Thursday, was suppose to be a simple day, where i had to go sch in the afternoon and take care of putting up of our EID posters and print the brochures and other important documents. I only wanted alex and sachdev to come down thinking that there wun be anything much to do. But sathish told me he would jus come down since he had nothing to do. So i jus told him to come. When i reached the nanyang audi where our booth was suppose to be set up, i was in a state of shock. I saw every other god damn team setting up and decorating their booth. And we, didnt even think of anything of that sort. All we thought was to put up our posters hahaha. We didnt think for long, straight away i decided we should get all necessary materials from the shool bookshops to set up our booth in a simple but respectable manner. We spent quite a bit for the materials to decorate our booth. Thank god that sathish came. Guess it would have been difficult with jus me sach and alex. We managed to decorate our booth in a record time of 1hr, playing with a simple colour theme of orange black white and very minimal gray. That actually looked damn impressive since all the other groups were messed up with various colours. I never expected myself to stay till like 7. But since we only knew abt decorating the booth the day before, we had to sacrifice our time. Well it was a gd job for a last min work. Afterwhich, we were suppose to print the necessary documents and guess wat, the fucking sch library closed. So alex sach and sathish had to head down to a public library to get it printed. I had to leave to meet up with anitha as promised. I didnt wanna PANGSEH her HAHAHAHA despite the ongoing work. I cabbed down to meet her, the cab didnt help my already financially broke situation. It worsened it actually. That was a freaking 20dollars plus.

Met anitha after freaking long. We couldnt meet the last time round since anitha had some last min work that forced her to "pangseh" me haha. But well, finally we did. We ate at some italian restaurant. Anitha had to rush off within an hr or so, therefore we didnt spend that much of time. But i enjoyed the time there with her as we talked whatever we could. And she ended of the day with a surprise. I usually give surprises to ppl but this time i was the one on the recieving end haha. She gave me my belated birthday presents. I totally didnt thought that i would be receivng gifts from her but she did. I dun wanna reveal wat the gift was, but well, thank you ya!!! hahaha.

Friday was my EID openhouse. I only got home at ard 11 plus that day and slept early since i had to be up by 6.15am. Headed down to sch and handled the rest of the setting u of the booth. Me and joshua also decided to go on an agressive marketting by pasting our brochures throughout NANYANG AUDI,which none of the other grps thought of doing. Best part, we left our brochures at the VIP seating area haha. I have to admit here that i totally had no confidence of even winnning a thrid prize for our product. I was amazed by wat other grps invented and how they made it work. Was really impressive. There was even a pt of time where the grp beside us, who had a very impressive creation, mocked at our grps for two reasons. Firstly, my grp had 7indians and one chinese. So definately we were looked down for tt. Secondly, they tot our product was nothing compared to theirs. I didnt wanna rebutt since their product did stand out.

The judges went ard and started judging every single team. When they came to our, we tried to bullshit our way through and it seemed as if the judges were only ok with our product. They seemed to be more impressed with the team that mocked at us. so i tot, aaiya for sure laa how can my grp win. During lucnh i and alex actually joked that if we ever got first, we gonna laugh our ass out. We totally didnt have confidence.

The competition ended and it came down to the prize presenttion ceremony. Immediately when the 3rd prize was announced for our cat, i totally lost even the slightest expectation that i had to win a prize. That was because the 3rd went to the team that mocked at us, and i tot their prodcut was freaking awesome. The second went to the other team beside us, which we tot could not make it, but well, they surprised us by getting second. So we just stood there being a bit disappointed that both teams besides us won something and we were like "losers". But damn, that feeling didnt stay for long, the first prize was announced and it went like this, "First prize goes to, TEam 042, SK-I-Walker". YOu re damn right, that was my god damn team. The first prize was worth 1200 cash prize haha. We were very surprised and shocked that we surpassed the other teams to win the 1st prize. The team that mocked us was also shocked hahaha. Tts it since now we had the cash prize and the trophy, we jus showed off in front of that bladie team. Was really overjoyed. I was so broke and i had 150 dollars to take with me at the end of the day. Not bad at all. A VERY IMPORTANT THING THAT I HAVE ALWAYS LEARNT AND THIS INCIDENT PROVED IT, SO I AM PUTTING THIS IN CAPITAL LETTERS: YOU'D GET SOMETHING WHEN U DUN REALLY EXPECT IT. IF U EVER DO SOMETHING AND EXPECT SO MUCH FOR SOMETHING IN RETURN, YOU'D END UP LEAVING WITH NOTHING.

Though i had little sleep for that whole day, i continued the day going out with suresh suraen and sachdev, looking for street soccer shoes and then ending off the day with tf2 after so long. Sat watched district 13, a sequel to the french movie district 12, that i watched yrs ago. Was like a typical vijayakanth movie so i didnt really like it. Sunday, finally started our soccer, that died down for more than a yr. Was happy that ppl came down to play though some pangseh last min. Bt well, its back and its going now. After the soccer, i was really shagged but i still couldnt afford to even breathe as i was suppose to attned to wedding functions. The vnues didnt help that much too cos one was in the extreme eat, and the other was in the central. I had to be at both events since i was invited for both and my frens who invited me were those that gave me the importance and asked me to be present no matter wat. Somehow, i managed to get to the weddings on time with the aid of my dad and then vishnu. I was really gone b the end of the day but well bth the events were awesome i have to say. Guess i shall stop here since this post is getting way too long. That would have shown how packed my week was hahaha.
Ganeshan | 12:05 AM

You Were Warned! But now its too late. Get Ready Now. Animal Instincts on Your Way!!!
Ganeshan | 10:23 PM

As much as i dun wanna say this out, well i gotta admit, though it was not planned and it was a very last min meet up, i did like it! There might be a thousand of thoughts in my mind before even thinking of meeting, but well, it made me smile at the end of the day. Whatever past or bad memory that could have possibly spoilt things, did not really exist within me at tt point of time, as i only felt a sense of happiness. And i dunno how i was only happy but thats the TRUTH! I returned home smiling! Sometimes, i cant even read my ownself!
Ganeshan | 3:22 AM

Everything was so fine right till the very end of yesterday, jus before i was gonna sleep. I was taken back to the thoughts abt how my mum would feel abt me if she was still ard. Guess i should have avoided any form of communication with people. The only person i was ok talking with throughout yesterday was anitha, and well she'd know why. Besides the both of us, no one would have an idea of how it feels. But well, i wasn't emo or wat at all, but my mood was jus turned ard as i said before the day was over.

Anyway i hate all those fucking asses who have to fucking wish their mum on fb! Cb as if their mum have fb like tt. Dun pretend laa u mother fuckers. Dun try to tell the world how much u care and gain attention. If u wanna wish, do it personally and take the initiative to do something instead of like wishing on fucking facebook. CCB, all u fucking asses who did tt. Oh, there re also some asses who would go ard typing on facebook status how much they miss their girls and how they re feeling down without them and so. Hahaha, i just feel this people are more concern with wat people will comment abt them. Fuckiing sympathy gainers. The people who u'll type to definately will have handphones. So please do it there and dun be some sorry ass gaining for unnecessay attention.

Anyway, i feel if someone cares abt ya, they would rather show it instead of just saying it. Cos a lot of my frens actually do show it. But well a certain few they hardly go beyond the extent of saying it and they usually go abt saying how much they care and all just that they dun show. Tts as gd as not even caring actually, cos u dun have to be afraid to show ur concern. I have come to a pt where i dun trust people thru their mouths. And well well, i am not a little bit concern on who does and does not show their concern. This is simply cos whenever u think someone cares, they will bring it to a pt where we do expect such concern from them as time progresses but that's when they start to neglect ya totally. And they have some weird reasons to back them up so yea. I have gone thru enuf of such acts so i dun feel like really sharing with people on how i feel. Cos i have never done that for those who know me, except with one or two. Anitha ,being one of the two, u have been nice in the sense that u have never complain abt me sharing my thoughts and they way i feel with ya. Thanks for tt. But besides her, guess I rather blog it out. Its only for the past yr or wat i tot maybe i'd actually speak it out to my fren cos i tot at least my fren would respond, whereby a blog doesnt. But well, i became an emotional ass by doing so, and it wasnt too well recieved. Blogs doesnt judge me based on wat i type at least, so its safe here.

Things have changed and i feel i am no longer the pleasant fellow who i used to be. I am living my life, without depending on anyone. It's only when u depend on someone and start believing that they'd be there for you, that disappointment sets in. So guess its better to stay away from such believes and hope, cos no one in this world is tt caring afterall, with very little exceptions of course! And i dunno why, i jusy feel very villainy nowadays hahaha!
Ganeshan | 6:32 PM

Mother's day!!! Let the whole world celebrate! Let them enjoy. Such a day to celebrate it with ya have been stolen away from me. The only person who have loved me back the same way i have loved them. This world doesnt have anyone else who can get as close as u could get to me. No matter how hard i try, i would never see anymore of that kinda love, from anyone else. If only u were here, i will never be complaining. Hurt deep withing but smiling on the surface. It is not my mistake tt i became an emotional ass. U suddenly laying dead in front of me wasnt an easy sight to digest. It took me a yr plus to wipe the tears off completely, tears that came out the same way as the first day itself. Even now they still do, just tt it is not as much as it was before. 21 yrs of smile and laughter, all snathced and turned ard me in a moment of seconds. Not that i have shown my emotional sight to every tom dick and harry. The very few, or the only one who i had chosen to show the emotional sight of me has put me down for gd! Shows that not everyone is acceptive of what u re to them. U were one diff person who accepted me for whatever i was and i never felt rejected. Till this stage of my life, i have never felt the feeling of rejection. But now its diff mum. The people who i end up loving a lot are the ones who reject me in the end. I'm scared to love mum. I m turning into a rock, without emotions as each day passes. I dun feel like caring for anyone. Everyone just leaves away, cos they re all revolved ard their own selfish worlds. U were the last person i knew who never cared abt ur ownself but cared for ur loved ones more. Gd that i m ur son and i have gotten that trait from ya and i am proud to be one as it makes me diff from all the other selfish asses out there. Watever it is, just want ya to know that i aint tearing this time cos ur son is stronger than ever from all the hurdles i have crossed. From All the hard learnt lessons abt love that has been taught to me the most painful way, i have become stronger. And i m never gonna be the same again with my emotions, there is no one else in this fucking world who deserves to see that sight of me! Even if i emote, it is not as though they will accept it with open arms. If i were to think that anyone would, there cant be anyone else more stupid than me. But nevertheless, i have to put up with all these kinda diff people. The best is gone and the worst has happened, so wat more can i lose. Anyway, hope u re safe up there and well to end this off, Happy Mother's Day to ya My LOvely Mummy. Ur re the best in every single aspect of my life and u will always be. U had not just been a great mum, but u were God to me. IF i dun pray to God, thats cos of ya. I dun feel God is any greater than u. Why believe in someone who has never been there for me, unlike u who have always been the one shielding me from every single dark sight of the world!! Haiz, but now that u re gone, i realise that the world is indeed a very dark place to live in. Miss ya forever My Dearest Mum... Hugs!!
Ganeshan | 7:38 PM