Well well, after a few days of emoing, i think i have sort of gotten over the whole thing after making lots of clarifications. That could seem very fast but it is much easier my way cos i really see how the person really means to me. It was suppose to be really just friendship since the start and i have really made a strong mark for myself on tt aspect within that person. So guess i shouldnt divert from that. And coming to have realise that, i think its easier to move on. And thank god my friendship aint affected a single bit because of whatever tt has happened. The past few days i just wanted to get out watever confusions or questions i had that was bothering me. And i was not a little bit patient with the entire process and i wanted to make sure this emotional process, confusion doesnt last for long! So tt was a reason why i didnt wait to meet later this week and insisted on everything being settled asap.
Anyway, i just find it funny, or rather stupid of me for quite a number of reasons. The person tt i tot was very close to me, didnt know the REAL me. And tts not their fault. I somehow created a certain kindaf image with watever i said. Of cos i didnt think much at those times when i used to say abt stuff. I have always said things abt girls, looking down at them at times and somehow picking out one or two ppl to point out to and comment abt them. But that was taken in a rather serious way on how i looked at girls it seems. N i m to be blamed for tt. Cos i forgot the fact tt i was telling all these kindaf things to a gal itself. N i didnt even realise it at that pt of time. I dunno, i was being termed orthodox. hahaha. Well i dunno how true tt is. I have always wanted my future girlfren to be someone who doesnt mind to club, is ok with drinking and so on for many other issues. If she has tried smoking, so be it. As long as she is really very open and is understanding, tt is wat i like. I am jus very open abt the way i see things. That is the real me. I wouldnt even mind cross culture marriages. On top of these, Never would i control a person on how they re. I tot i have always shown the impression tt i accept a person for who they re. My girlfren could be a bitch to another person's eyes, but of cos to me it mite be diff. And somehow, i like ppl for their flaws. Dun ask me why but that has been the case. I never really wanted someone who was so close to perfect and so nice. I would rather want someone who has a gd mix of bad and gd qualities. I wanna really see the bad in them. That is me.
But oh well, my own fren, who is so bladie close to me, didnt understand me tt well enuff. I guess no matter wat, a very close female fren of urs would never understand ya the way a male fren would understand ya if u were a guy and vice versa. In fact, sometimes when i am asked for an opinion, i somehow choose to say things that mite please the person asking it. So i answered to those qns in tt aspect last time when i was asked stuff abt girls. But guess tt worked entirely wrongly. I guess i never really spoke abt things the actual way i tot abt it. I just had to talk like how a typical guy would talk to a gal the first time she asks qns like tt. N i aswered the same way as how a typical guy would answer, with a lie!
Not tt i tot it was very important then, so these kindaf things tt i have said never stood in my mind at all. Until when my fren told me that i am orthodox cos this is the way i saw things and stuff like tt, i think i just got a bit shocked. Cos those were in fact just mere statements, nowhere near expressing my character. I never tot i would be based on purely the things that i say. But i cant fault anyone for tt. I cant have expected them to know me any other way, cos wat comes out from my mouth is from me and therefore the tendency to believe it is higher. Well be it, if i think anyone screwed me on this, i screwed myself.
Lesson learnt: i shall never say things that is not really wat i believe or see in, though that mite be the kindaf image tt i would wanna have portrayed so that nobody would mistake me. I think its better to state wat i really feel and the exact way i see things instead of generalising my statements. And i should be really careful when i talk to girls next time abt stuff like tt cos i jus realised that i can be purely judged from what i say.
Life is a learning process. And i think i have learnt quite a bit from every single painful incident. I always believe things happen for a reason. And when things re to happen in life, it would happen naturally without being forced. So well, life is somewhat beautiful, but that is only if u dun wanna make it ugly yourself. So get rid of the pain, u have many things to gain! Adiyos!
Ganeshan | 7:41 PM
I thought i was the beginning for everything, but guess, i was proven wrong! I would never be... melum melum, urugi urugi, unnai indri engum ithaiyathai enna seivan???
Ganeshan | 9:45 PM