Irritated, frustrated and lost! This is exactly how i am feeling right now. Just no mood to do anything but i m forcing myself to. I seriously dunno wats happening to me. Jus feel like an asshole. Fuck this shit man.
Ganeshan | 4:35 AM

After nearly a year, i finally stepped into the temple. The last was last year feb during my mum's 1st yr anniversary! I didnt pray from then till now in a temple! But today, i did it, with utmost respect for someone who i have not seen in person but someone who i have lots of respect for! My fren's granddad! Felt gd praying after so long! Hmmmz. Nice feeling.

Anyway i felt really light hearted being ard with all the family members of my buddy! Was really something diff. An experience u will not get anywhere else. I would have been very sad if i wasnt part of it today! But thanks for giving me the chance to attend to it. I went down purely cos of my buddy and her granddad. I decided that i will be part of this the day that i attended the funeral. Jus wanted to be there and not cos of any inner ulterior motive or wat if anybody else were to think anything abt it. If u know me well, u would know what i m saying is true.

Well, i have waited for sometime already. More like i was forced to wait cos of wat happened. Nobody would believe me if i had told them tt i had a small interaction with god before what i was gonna do. And god placed a big obstacle right in front of me. I never saw it coming but when it did, i had no choice but to go with it. And i found out that rather than being selfish abt my own feelings, i cared more for what had happened. I like the genuine feeling that i have brought out within myself. It feels nice to be like that.

Its abt time that i actually let out wat i m suppose to. The time was maybe right before this but somehow it was denied. Now, i know that the right time is nowhere near. But for me to wait is to create an excuse for myself. My main worry is not to be fake. I have been genuine all the way and now if i am gonna hide this away, that would be the most terrible thing that i'll be ever doing. For that, i must reveal what i had to. There is this code that really represents what i am suppose to do! "Fortune favours the brave - you have to attempt it no matter how frightened you are… whether it's for getting work, girls, or anything."

I already know how the outcome will be. I even know that it might not be appreciated and it might cause some level of disappointment. But no matter how frightened i am on what the future beholds for me, i am still gonna go ahead telling it! I have to. There is no way that i should keep this within myself. Its just bad. Its quite a distraction within me. Letting it out will surly ease it. I have that belief! I'm really hoping for a proper outcome though i have my doubts abt it. But well, though it was only failure that i have tasted in my past attempt, i need to do this till i see success. Wish me luck. Well if u never got any sight of what i actually said for this entire post, well i m sorry. Hahaha!
Ganeshan | 7:55 AM

Damn Damn Damn!!! I m jus freaking pissed that i cant apply for INSTEP, the overseas student exchange as i dun qualify for the required GPA by just 0.001. This is ridiculous. Haiz! So close to it. This will never happen to anyone else except for me!!! This is really fucked up. Especially when u dun get what u worked so hard for!!! Wa dammit!
Ganeshan | 7:43 AM

You could live without anyone in this world, but not your mother! I miss ya mum! i miss ya!
Ganeshan | 7:43 AM

Damn, today is the last day of holidays and i feel totoally sucky!! Dun wanna go sch haiz! It will be an endless mugging period all the way. Anyway, cant help it but have to go! And damn i didnt get my elective this time around. Well i m definately not alone on this. Ryte now have to go thru the stupid process of appealing and the add drop period! Sucks la.

Enough of sch there, i dun even wanna think abt it for now. Well, glad that my buddy is alright now. It has been a few days already. I have tried my best to make sure i keep track with her each day and to divert her thoughts by asking totally unrelated qns now and then haha! Jus wanted to make sure she is feeling normal. It feels as though i am going thru the same process, thats how much affected i am by it. Feels as though watever that has happened has happened to me. Guess thats why she is my bbf! I think i hardly get affected by anyone else's issues but this is just exceptional!

I have been out the entire week. And i think i was only coming back home to like sleep. I dunno but i m jus trying to fully utilise my holidays cos i know abt myself. I will never get to go out that much after sch reopens. I watched like two movies this week itself, sherlock holmes and invictus! Both were very gd movies. Worth the money i paid. Besides the movies i have been playing lots of pool jus this week alone. Feels like my gd old jc days haha. Celebrated veera's bdae last monday and it was a small but nice celebration. He was very happy and i could see that haha. We also played bowling that day, was quite fun. Finally got to meet up with shalu sharadha ashwini and raja after like dunno how long. Never met these ppl for ages. But yea was a very short but nice outing. Nice to see all of them. I was somehow very distracted and disturbed for days before that. Guess i dun have to repeat the reason behind that but yea meeting these grp of ppl really made me feel much better. And thanks to rama haha. He just distracts my thoughts so bladie easily by talking nonsense to me non stop and causing me to utter even more nonsense. Hahaha. He was a reason for my heavy expenditure this week alone. He made me go to all those big restaurants and spend hell lots for food. Hahaha. And thur met up with my dear anitha haha! She brought me to the new sommerset building just outside of the mrt station. We ate at the italian kitchen there. The food was quite nice but the soup was like bladie hell so much. Haha. But was nice to have met her after a really long time. Enjoyed myself.

I realise that there re only a few ppl that i can actually explain everything inside my heart to. There was once someone said guys re more complicated than gals and i actually denied that. But now coming to think abt it, yes maybe, they were right. So many things going on within me. But i have to act normal in front of all my friends. There re only two ppl who know watever that is going on with me for now. I cant even say it to the person closest to my heart now cos its very hard. Wat a world this is hahaha! I hope it all ends up well. Its not in my hands though. There re some things that u dun have any control of. I'll let time take its course yet again.
Ganeshan | 6:38 PM

Was there at the funeral today! It is really painful to see someone you re so dear to cry. Was a very saddening sight! A few instance i got reminded of my mum's a year back! But glad i was allowed to come and help out. Really wanted to be there to show my support! And was happy to see her eat well, smile and talk in front of me after such a tiring and painful three days! I was impressed with the family's unity! Even among all the relatives and all, the unity was great. Something which my family relatives lack big big time. A moment which caught my attention and which i was so impressed abt was when all her cousins rounded and hugged each other to comfort one another! Was very touching. I got to mix with some of the family members too. Was nice to see how the entire family talked and treated the ppl ard them. Very nice family i have to say. Hope for everything gd for them in the yr ahead despite the huge loss at the beginning of the yr. Everyone should get only gd news from now on! Bless u all!
Ganeshan | 6:41 AM