OMG!!! OMG!!! I cant believe but guess what, my exams re finally over!!! it was like a prolonged stress period and tremendous torture i went thru for weeks!!! Practically like living in hell while preparing for exams! 6 exams to sit for is really no joke. My exams from what i know started one of the earliest, like on 20th november, when compared to my frens. But i ended only yesterday, which was on the 8th of december, the absolute last day of exams in NTU! But well, somehow i am past that stress period and finally having a sigh of relief!

The exams went well for me this time. As in i have never really studied to this extent! It was like pure hardcore mugging! My day starts at 8am and ends at 12.30am! Thats how long i sat down and studied! Hopefully the effort pays off cos i have really pinned high hopes on my GPA shooting up by quite a bit. Please wish me for the best hahaha!

Anyway, my motivation all this while to study hard, is the thailand trip that i'll be having from the 16th to the 23rd. Firstly, i need to thank suresh for being an excellent fren and co-ordinator for the entire trip! He practically did a one man show in coming up with the entire trip's plans and stuff. Way much better than any agency can offer ya. Can ya believe he actually went to the libraray and the thai embassy to get information so that our trip will be worthwhile. Really hats off to him for that. And he never complained a single bit. Didnt even wanna bother us cos he knew we had exams and he didnt mind at all planning all by himself. Well, if it was someone else, i wouldnt trust them in the planning but this time its our own suresh! So i really knew he was gonna do a fantastic job but he surpassed tt ater i read his detail plan about the trip! So for all that, Thanks for everything Suresh! I think i at least owe ya this much! Guess this trip will be one notch higher than the previous aussie trip in which we already had a great time, cos the activities for the thai trip are as such. I seriously cant wait to let loose hahaha!!! Its a no rules no regulations kindaf enjoyment that i can only have with these guys! Imagine ater mugging and being studious for 4 pure months, this would really be a one time stress relief for all that hell i went thru. Great great great! Damn excited. hahaha.

The thai trip will make up for most of my plans for holidays. Other than that i wanna spend time with all my important frens. The list goes on. I wanna meet up with shalu, raja, ashwini, shameni, sajeev, se wei, prashan, sameera, my army guys, Gabi, veera and gang, no doubt my sji frens (including my bestie rama, anu, kursie, vidya, yu yang, wei an), anitha, junaidah and my BBF(fren of the year)!!! Hahaha! Of cos i am most of the time out with my sji guys and they definately top the list cos its a never ending excitement and joy meeting up with them. And Rama is all free cos he finished his A levels so i have no worries on who to call whenever i m bored cos i know he'll be there. Hope i didnt miss out any names of close frens cos this was really quite a risk putting up names of ppl who i wanna meet. So pls frgive me if u think u didnt see ya name but ya know u will meet me! hahaha! And yea, i wanna meet vishnu when he comes back. He is such an awesome brother. Never seen him for ages since he left for overseas exchange. Glad he is finally coming back. oh ya i really wanna see sara. Ever since that fellow went army its been damn hard to meet up with him. I still rmb the times where sara, suraen, suresh, me and krishna were like meeting up very frequently during our JC days. Really must make the effort this time to get him to meet us.

One fren tt i have not spoken in ages and not in proper talking terms is vicky. Well, despite all the rough times, there were still some nice things that he has done for me as a fren. Like really great stuff cos only someone very close to ya will do such kinda favours and all. So guess i sort of regret choosing the path of not talking with him. I dunno, just something that hit my thoughts recently. Maybe its time that i actually like forget the past and talk to him normally and include him in all future outings. But still, i dun wanna step down from my ego and make him feel as if i need him there as a fren when he doesnt. If thats what it will turn out to be, then i really wouldnt wanna make any decision of remoulding the friendship. I dunno how to go abt this issue, so i need comments from a third party. What do ya thing i should do? hahaha

Ok, i dunno i am jus tempted to type out so much since i havent for ages. But yea guess all this is coming out real naturally so i shall continue. There is one thought that has really hit me recently. Like real deep down my brain cells and heart. After working so hard and knowing that i am capable of understanding wat my priorities are, i think its time for me to have some kindaf interesting things happening in my life. I am feeling a bit lonely nowadays when it comes to relationships. Almost all my closest guy frens ard me re attached and that leaves me like the only one who seriously has like no one to begin with. I dunno if its a sad case but yea i m now, quite affected by it after seeing one fren after another getting attached. Since i know the way i work and how i have set my priorities, i think i should go ahead with finding someone truely for me. Had been single all this fucking twenty two to twenty three years and i think its abt time tt i start somewhere, which is now.

Really a deep thought cos i wanna have that someone whom i can feel for, love and do whatever i feel like doing. Being stuck to my books all day and caring only abt my sch work and stuff has really made me gone mad! Guess i need this huge change in my life, to make life meaningful as it should be.

So who should it be is the question that arises when i am thinking abt such stuffs. Hmmmm, i really dunno cos nowadays, its very hard. I am not the kind who gets to know girls easily, nt now especially cos this is no longer jc. I hardly have time for myself in uni to spot for someone. The social circle is getting smaller and smaller so its hard to meet some one ultra new, like someone who suddenly falls down from the sky or pops out of no where. Its not like in the movies. So, if thats the case it has to be someone already in my life. But thats a scary thought to bring in, cos i dun wanna affect any of my friendship with anyone unless there is really some special kindaf feeling going on, which i highly doubt from anyone in the first place. Hahahaha! Cos when the name ganeshan comes out, the first thing they will term me as is a fren, just a fren!! I was never a choice for relationships. Maybe thats the way i have been and have portrayed myself, so maybe tts why! haha. Haiz! Sad sad sad. It just has to happen yea? Maybe its like never for me or maybe its not just time. But yea i am really stating this out as this is one damn thing that i really affected me in recent times.

Oh yes, need to bring out this topic though i think it mite cause some really heated up emotions from certain ppl. I have been deleted from someone's facebook account and this is the first time someone has ever done that. I was kindaf surprised more than shocked actually. Cos seriously, there is like no issues directly between me and that person. There were no arguements of sort but still, i was hated so much that i have been removed from their list. Hahaha! I dunno la, not tt i am very mush affected by it. But i think the reason for deleting me and such is really quite childish to begin with. I have been termed as a "bad guy" by a certain grp of ppl for obvious reasons. Well, seriously, there re two sides to the coin. I hate it when ppl only see one side of it and make a judgement. But in this case, i dun think i am affected at all cos it just shows how simplistic this ppl re. Everyone has their own choice of actions and i had to take this step in order for a better outcome for whoever was involved. I jus really thought things were getting a bit out of hand and something had to be done. And its not the first time such a thing has occured in the other person's life. Its just a repeat of events. And based on that, i dunno why i m faulted entirely. I seriously cant make everyone happy. I know my close frens know who i am and that how much i mean to them. Thats enough for me. Seriously. I have frens who would just do almost anything for me and know me inside out. With these ppl ard me, nothing like tt affects me. So if u cant see the value in my friendship, why not, delete lor. Seriously no loss for me. As i said, i cant satisfy everyone. If u fail to see my reasoning, thats purely not my fault.

Well, in november, besides my exams, quite a number of big incidents occured. Firstly, hema's wedding. I really regret not going for it. Seriously i couldnt risk it cos it was just at a time of my heavily contented paper. So i had to sit down and mug for it. HOpe hema really understands and no third party rubs it in to her on how i didnt even care of not coming and all. I wouldnt state it here if i didnt care so yea! Hema is really a nice person so i really regret not being there, in such a memorable moment of her life. But of cos my sincere wishes to her for a wonderful and happy life! She definately will have. So yea really sorry i couldnt be there for the wedding! Another incident was my dear fren shalu's grandmother passing away. She was really stressed up about it when she called me when her grandmother was in the hospital. And i really hoped for everything to be fine for her. But it turned out in such away, that no one could do anything abt it. This kindaf things just happens so its hard to prevent it. Its just better to get prepared. And i didnt go for the funeral. Hmmm, i really would have if not for the exams cos i really wanna be there for such everts cos i know tts when a fren really needs ya! Even if ya miss a happy occasion its ok cos ur fren will still be happy. But for a sad incident like this, u gotta make an effort to be there to support ur fren. Well, i couldnt be there at such a time, so i sincerely apologise for that.

To end it off for this post, i would like to say i am freaking happy with the way my family has moulded. Its really nice to have family members ard me. Unlike times where i was contained within four damn walls and had no one to talk to. After many many years i finally saw a family celebration for my dad's birthday. Was really so so happy that day when i got to feed my father and he fed me! Haiz! I dunno i just feel i am getting less and less closer to him as my age increases. Dunno! Its just a very sad thing! I really really love him to an extent that i can say i have no one else after him. Seriously i dunno what i will do without him. I was really touched when i saw him take a pic with my mum's photo cos he wanted her to be included in the celebration. Really a moment that made me tear. I never had such a joyous moment with my dad for very long. But again, i dun wanna set high hopes cos my life has always turned bad whenever i m too happy abt something. I wish she was here with us to see all these. She would love it! Being in such a lovely house and being together is one thing that will really make her smile. And of cos seeing her son studying so hard in the uni would really make her feel so so much happier. Haiz!!! Guess i m not lucky enough in that sense. The most impt person in my life is not there. But no matter wat, watever i am doing now and if i am mugging so so hard, its not just for me but its purely for ya!!! I really want ya to be proud of me, like the way u always have been. Nothing satisfies me more than u being proud of whatever i am achieving. I just want it to get better and better. Miss ya dearly MUM. That word is so strong that it makes me tear anytime i say it! Hmmmm, i dunno, it jus pains me to realise that its a never used word in my life anymore! Something that should never happen to anyone else. But i wun end this post on a depressing note. No matter what, i will keep smiling, cos i know thats what really matters to ya the most! So yea, i am smiling mum!!! For ya! And pls bring the precious girl of my life to me. It is about time hahahaha!!! Just show her to me somehow i say hahahah!!!!
Ganeshan | 7:32 PM