Been watching this silanthi drama on vasantham consistently. Well, the reason why i watch it till this extent is cos a lot of things tt is shown in the drama, believe it or not, is wat my family had gone thru before. Was shocked to see some of the portrayals of the characters, which closely related to my own family members. The one performed by the mother is wat really affects me the most. Well not the way she looks or wat but, whenever she cries or is depressed, it exactly sounds like my mum and that lady also cries the exact same way as my mum does. She also have certain features tt reminds me of my mum.

Yesterday was my best fren's bdae. He called me in the morning and he asked me if i would be able to get the car for tt day. I didnt feel like saying no to him. So i decided maybe i should let go off my ego and ask my dad for the car. But seriously, deep down in my heart i thought my dad wouldnt. Dunno why i thought tt way but i did. To my surprise my maid who called my dad to ask the car for me, replied to me saying tt dad is giving the car to me. I was so happy then. Drove to rama's place and picked him up. He wanted to drive from there and i allowed him to. We all ate at madjacks and decided to watch movie, naan kadavul, after tt. Suresh, sachdev, rama and prakash were on for it while the rest went back home. I drove from paradiz to pasir ris, to prakash's house. He wanted to drive his car so tt he can send suresh and sachdev home after the midnight movie. So yea from there we drove to yishun and reached there at abt 11plus. When sachdev went to the ticket counter to purchase the tickets, he was shocked to hear tt the tickets got sold out. Haiz. All of us were thoroughly disappointed and since we all took the trouble to drive all the way down, we decided to think of alternatives. After thinking thru a couple of ideas, we sttled to jalan kayu prata. The drive back home i had late nite was the best so far. The traffic was very clear and i reached home within 10 minutes from rama's place. Was quite fun.

As i woke up today, first news i heard from my maid was quite painful to hear. Well, she said yesterday, when she asked the car from my dad to pass it to me, he simply refused. He said he needs the car. But in actual fact, it was for my first sister. She was seen in my hse according to my maid complaining why the car was given to me. My maid also told me tt the car is with her almost everyday. And the reason my dad gave the car in the end to me was cos my maid was arguing with him tt i deserve the car since i never really asked from him and also this is the only time after very long tt i really asked. Not like my sis who asks for every single day and also gets the petrol money from my dad. Haiz. My maid had to actually remind my dad tt i was also his son and i should be let to drive his car and not just his daughter all the time. Hmmmz. Yes i feel sad being treated this way. Of all the children. i was the only one who stood by my parents' side when they suffered.(I dun wanna say out watever i did for them cos i simply dun like to do tt. Then there will be no pt of me helping them before.) My relatives all used to condemn my family a lot. They will tell my parents abt how their daughters have let them down and tt its a shame to have such daughters. They really ill-mouthed our entire faily. Even then, they had nothing to pin point abt me and there were comments tt came abt saying i was the only one in the family who is keeping the stadards high since the day they knew me! My parents were really proud of me for tt. But look at the reward i am getting now for all that. If u ever knew my sisters, u will be simply be shocked at how i have turned out to be. There is really a huge contrast. Not tt i m trying to boast about myself tt i am the best kid in the family. But i can touch my heart and say tt i have never done a thing tt has disappointed my parents before. They have always recieved good news whenever it is abt me.

I dun really know whether i should be depressed abt it or not cos guess its gonna be this way all the time. Well, i wun ask the car from him anymore. He can do whatever he wants with it. I dun even wanna get angry with him for this kinda stuff so better tt i stay away and keep quiet. If he really thinks my sister should drive the car instead of me, let him do so. Be it, i am very used to taking trains and buses all my life so doesnt really matter to me i guess.

Today is my second's sisters second time marriage! Well sounds like a joke to me seriously. I didnt even go for the first one when i was thirteen tt time. I was angry even then tt she disappointed my mum and just left the hse, leaving my mum to cry. The scar was so deep in my heart tt i was the only one who didnt wanna see her face and didnt wanna see her getting married to someone who caused my family to tear apart. Even my mum went for it. But yea, now, the second time she is getting married to yet another useless fellow. I dun have to care whetehr she does marry someone else or not cos tts her life. But when it invloves my nephew and all, i jus cant take it. This is jus too much. I really feel for my nephew who is jus 6 now, turning 7. He doesnt really know wat is going on now and guess he would be feeling so amazed tt his own mum is getting married in front of him. Imagine jus another 5 yrs later. He would start to realise why his mum did tt, and why he has two fathers. That small boy wouldnt be able to digest the fact tt his mum is so cheap. Didnt my sister think of all these. Its her own son for goodness sake. Which cb mother will do such a thing, something so selfish? Is it so necessary to be with tt guy. Well tts not all she has done. It goes way beyond tt. Jus tt i dun wanna type it all out here and tarnish the very bit of image she might, i mean might, have. Fuck the whole wedding man. Its so obvious tt its another major mistake in her life. Bladie fuck!!!

I have to set one thing right down here. I know i have been going on about how my family has been destroyed and how my sisters are behaving and all. This mite set others an image tt my family is of utter lowclass and we do the most indecent stuff together or watsoever. The truth is tt we used to be the family whom was talked about and ppl were taking us as examples on how their family should be. This even lasted till my jc days, though by then some of the family's reputation was gone. If i have to worry and cry out this kinda issues out now, it simply means i do regret of all this changes tt has come about. If i wasnt brought up from such a good family with good moral values, i wouldnt simply give a rat's ass abt it! So for those who re reading, please dun imagine tt i am from a family which dun really behave like one. Though it mite be pathetic now, i am still living and carrying the last bit of reputation tt my mum had grown out of this family. So at least for me, pls dun get all these the wrong way.

Enough of this crap abt my family tt i have mentioned in my last few posts. I rather talk about something tt has really moved me in a rather big way. Hmmz, i jus came across my fren's latest entry. It was so pleasing to my eyes tt i was mentioned in it as one of the four ppl tt my fren wanted to talk about. Sometime before a problem did arise and one of the issues involved was me being termed as "close" to that person. Though tt was not the underlying issue of the entire problem, it was still this term tt made other parties think tt i was a reliable source for some misunderstandings tt came about after a meaningless convo. I thought i could never make it even as a close fren of that person despite my underlying intentions tt i used to have. During my hardtimes, i dunno why i still carried on with those thoughts and why i had to depend on tt person to help me. Its not as if my fren owed me anything or wat and not as if tt person had to help me jus cos i had those intentions. And how i behaved makes me look sick cos its so unfair to tt person. It seems like i was rather being an oppurtunist then, to make tt person feel for me during a time where by my life was so darkened. I dunno why i behaved as such but purely, its my mistake to have behaved like tt. But wasnt too long ago tt i figured wat i was doing was wrong and i actually gave up on such thoughts. Anyone in her shoes will not even bother talking to me for being like tt. But being her, she took the trouble to reason out why things were as such and she actually mentioned tt she in a way had caused the hurt on me during times when i was really down. I am seriously lost for words to realize tt i have made such a fren who could actually be so nice to me after whatever nonsense i have done. I am so happy about how things have turned out to be between us. I usually believe things happen for a reason. This is one of it. If it was to have turned out my way, probably i wouldnt have known how to appreciate her tt much but now, i do know her importance as her fren. Though we never really used to be that good of frens, guess if there is one person tt i should be close to all my life, its her. I m so happy tt i have made a wonderful friednship out off all these. A big Thank You to ya!!! I cant explain how gd i felt to see myself mentioned as a gd fren of hers! Really made my day yesterday, i swear!
Ganeshan | 8:02 PM