Match past sunday was exactly like how singapore vs vietnam one was. We had like 20 chances but couldnt convert in any. Krishna according to me played the best. He jus outran the fellows marking him and took so many shots that were mostly on target. But yea none went in. I took one tt i tot confirm was going in. Went with lots of force but damn, it hit the top post and when out instead. Jus a bit lower, it would have been a goal. We played well but somehow, nothing could be done. And the opponents had like 5 chances and they converted in 4. So yea, dunno wat was goin on. But yea been a long time since we gathered as a team again and played so we expected to lose. If only this was ard june tt time, we would have definately won.

Went for cycling with Anu, Suraen, Suresh, Sachdev, Murali, Kurseth and Rama on Monday. We left from ecp all the way till changi village. Ate at changi village and came back. Played at the playground, climbed the tree branch and played dog and bone in between. Was fun. Never did a cycling outing at this area with these guys so yea was something new. Played tf2 with they guys and went shopping with Rama to queensway the next couple of days. Have been out everyday lately. So decided i should be at home today during xmas. They showed a lot of nice programmes so was watching those. Good way to save money. Nothing much planned for the days ahead besides match this sunday at bedok north at 3pm. Hopefully we perform better this time ard.

Well, school is gonna start in abt 1 and a half weeks from now. I feel damn slack. Dunno if i will get back tt momentum again. Hopefully doesnt take too long. Been quite some time since i talked to my dad. Though i feel very hurt abt it, at the same time, i feel so angry with him. Dunno why he must do these kinda things. Very irritated to actually realize tt my dad did all these without thinking wat the outcome will be and how it will affect the ppl dependent on him, which is me! Very selfish indeed. No wonder my sisters are all as stubborn and selfish as him.

I dunno why, but if i had a family with nice siblings ard, i would really treasure every single moment with them. Looking ard me, i feel many ppl dun realize how important their family are to them. Though they have nice siblings and parents, they dunno how to appreciate. I dunno if its cos they re gals, cos not all gals re like tt. But mostly its these gals who dun appreciate their family members. Anyway, my niece's birthday is coming up, like tmr, but i dunno how to wish her cos my sis dun wanna talk or answer our calls. I miss the kids. Only ppl in my family now tt can bring me back tt laughter.

Guess i have become very used to the loneliness. Maybe, more matured in a lot of ways. I dun waste my time thinking abt unecessary stuff, instead i get on with things tt matters the most. Sort of know wat i exactly want and handle problems with more ease. Hopefully it gets better. Going out regularly and maybe schooling will help forget all the worries. It has so far. I never believed in tellin someone abt my worries and i didnt enjoy doing so when i did. Now i feel so much relaxed and i never remind myself of somethings, tt is not gd to remember, by not sharing them with others. Sort of enjoy this loneliness and private circle tt i have ard myself. I dunno wat else to talk abt for now cos my mind is very empty with nothing great happening in life now. Very dull infact! Should be posting one more entry before the yr comes to an end. Adiyos!!!
Ganeshan | 3:56 AM

Alright, this past week was so spectacular tt i went out every single day except today, which happens to be a Saturday. Well i chose to stay at home in fact. Last week i said tt i was gonna play soccer and hopefully the rain stops. Yea, it did, but it didnt go too well with me playing soccer. Sunday, 8th of us went to play street soccer at Bishan. Almost all of us came at the same time. Our opponents were those upper secondary school guys. For sometime, we had the feeling tt we were too old and tt we looked more like reservists. Haha sucks man. But yea, at the start we were getting owned cos our area of attack was very slippery. so everytime we take the ball to their side of the court, we had to slow down. Our side was super dry which gave them ample chance to score. But yea, being the superhero tt i tot i was, i dribbled the ball past the opponent and went to an open space on their side of the court. I knew i could confirm score from there so i took a wide swing with my right leg. Next instance, i realized i was in the air, perfectly parallel to the grd for like 2secs. My head bounced of the grd after hitting it, and i jus turned blank for like 2secs. Its was farkinggggggggggggggg painful. I tot i was bleeding so i told my frens to check as i couldnt really be normal. My mind was totally blank. Well, hurt my neck and back and also my backside. I couldnt like stand straight after tt cos was really terrible. Still havent recovered fully but yea, did play more safely after tt n scored a number of goals and we owned the other ppl there. But if not for the injury, everything would have been gd.

Monday,went to watch bolt. Hmm, we had to really crack our heads on wat movie to watch. I asked quite a number of ppl of certain movies. Some told me twilight was gd and they loved it. Some said body of lies was gd and a few said bolt was a safe bet. We all decided to go for bolt. Well, i liked it. I thought the storyline was gd and the dog was really cute. Though not tt funny it was gd. Had a hard time watching it cos my head, neck and back was so pain tt i couldnt seat and watch the movie normally. We went to eat at surya's after tt and left home. Tuesday, first had lunch with my sweetheart, jannu, kalai, kumari, sindhu and raja jaja. couldnt eat well but had fun seeing my sweetheart finally being so talkative and happy. Went out with anu, suraen and krishna after tt to novena for chicken rice jus like our previous outing back in july. I was having a tough time eating cos of my neck and my throat somehow wasnt feeling gd. so yea forced the food in somehow. Afterwhich, we went to mind's cafe. We played ard 5games out of which 4 were wat i usually suggest to my frens to play. The fifth game was damn fun cos that was the first time we played it. Rat-tat-cat! Really interesting game. O yea, murali and kurseth joined us after tt when we were all heading home. And we decided on going to cycling next monday. Still havent been finalised cos of some last minute issues haha. N yea, how can i forget. Suraen and dear anu were soooooo sweet that they bought for me a powerful ointment for me to applt to my injured areas. So nice of them. didnt thought that anyone would go to the extent of buying it for me. But yea, wonderful frens. The ointment was so powerful tt it was really burning the areas tt i applied it. Next day when i woke up, i was 99percent recovered.

Wed turned out to be an awesome day when it was suppose to be a normal one. Last week, i complained it was so hard to get our guys together to do anything. So yea, suraen msged me if we were gonna do anything. I told him nothing was planned and he asked wat abt tf2. I told him to go do the hard job of getting the ppl to play. Well, till 3 there was like no news abt it. So i msged him at 3 telling him tt it seems as if the plan didnt materialze. But guess wat, he replied saying there were already 7 ppl. Was shocking. We planned to meet at 5pm. Final turnout was 10ppl. Had a very powerpact 4 straight hours playing tf2. Was super fun. The teams were equally powerful and we all had a great time competing. Hope to have more of such 5 on 5 tf2 outings.

Thur watched twilight. I think the movie is super gd. I reall liked it cos of the way it was. Vampires and how they were behaving to humans in a very different way. Was damn nice to see the lead pair romancing. Great movie which contained dialouges that were short and sweet. dunno why some ppl told me its a waste of time to watch it. Guess u should know the movie is an adaption from a storybook. Gonna read that book soon when i manage to get it. Had supper with my frens after tt at ard 10plus. Had to cancel one other outing with sajeev and se wei due to last min stuff. i promised them tue and i promise i wun pang seh this time.

Friday, we executed our plan to cycle from east coast to changi village. Was my fifth time doing this but each time i have done it with a diff grp. That makes it very special and also its gd way to bond. Its not like the usual kinda outings tt ppl normally go for. Well, the task is quite tough to complete. Its like a dist of 33km. Last time used to be more but now its like much shorter cos of the speacial pathway tt they have created. The day didnt really start well as we left late from amk after waiting for long for everyone to come. We intended to start at 10m at east coast. Reached only at 12.30. 12.45pm we started out. Seriously speaking, i really thought this grp tt i went with consisting of kalai, sanjay, gapilan, veera, shalu, shanthu, kumari and sindhu couldnt finish the route as shalu looked really tired and was suffering even before we reached the end of east coast. And also, we had kumari and sindhu taking the doubles bicycle. I tot it would be hard for them to manage with tt. But guess wat, after we passed east coast, it was a diff story. We hardly stopped and everything went quite well. Midway, shalu sweetheart suggested a brilliant idea of asking a few to go till changi village to get the food and the rest to go to the changi beach to get the place. The normal plan in my mind was for all to cycle to changi village, buy food there and return to changi beach to eat there. so in a way, her idea cut short the trouble of everyone going. Well, for the record. we actually went till the end of changi beach which was very near the changi village. So in a way, i would say the gals and guys managed to complete the task well. Given everyone's fitness level, was really a big thing tt we reached the destination. Took lots of pics there. I was proud of kumari and sindhu to have done the whole thing with ease. They didnt even complain. Was gd. Hmmm, but the main thing was whether they could cycle back to where we started from. Well, we hardly stopped. cycled all the way and our break was at bedok jetty at east coast which is remarkable for the gals. I really didnt expect them to last tt long before a break. Great effort. Yea it ws tiring but was all gd as all of us had a gd work out. The day didnt end right then. We had a part two to it. Night time met up at yishun for bowling with Gapi,Kalai, Sanjay and Suvin. Shalu, raja and shanthu came for dinner and had to leave before bowling. Was fun at bowling but wished everyone was there. But yea, since all of us were pretty tired, we left home early, ahem, like at 12haha!

As u caN SEE, really a week which i enjoyed doing different stuff. So yea, kewl week. Tmr gonna have our first match again after a very long time. 3pm at greenview sec against opponents who will be wearing blue hahaha. Well tt s all the info i have for the match. Hopefully we wun get our ass trashed. Dunno how to keep myself busy and not bored at home today but i'll try. Trying to plan a canoeing outing next week but it seems hard cos there re some requirments for it. Gotta find out more abt it. Well, tts all for this week then. Tataz!!!!
Ganeshan | 1:14 AM

Heyy, time for some new updates. well, been going out quite a lot the past few days. Tue played pool with rama at OCC, wed went out with kumari,shalu, shanthini, kalai, shameni, kabilan and suvin to orchard and dhouby ghaut. Started out with kumari getting a present for her dad. Afterwhich the gals wanted to eat. I didnt intend to eat though at the end, had to finish up shameni's food for her. Went to play at mind's cafe ater tt. Was fun playing with this group of ppl cos i have never played with them. Recommended a few games to them and we ended up playing those. Was quite cute to see the gals arguing on who the winner was. After tt kalai treated us to mad jack. Ate the lamb chop there. Seriously u'll should go try it out at mad jack at paradiz. Its quite reasonable. The guys wanted to stay there till late to play lan. I agreed and we played land for dead, a zombie game. Was fun but i was too tired. The guys all got troubled by me like tt n kept askin if i was ok or whether i was too bored. But real reason was tt i was concentrating hard on this new game tt i was playing haha.

Thur suppose to go out with Anu, Suraen and Krish to al ameen and mind's cafe. But anu had some troubles at home which cancelled out the plan. So we decided to carry on the al ameen plan with our own guys, though only 5 came. Was alright cos the food was quite gd. We tried to find for lan shop there but failed to find after travelling from beaty world all the way till crown centre. Fri i watched the sharukh kahn movie. Dun really know how to pronounce the title or spell it out. I found it very simple, predictable but nice. Was ok cos it was suppose to be a romantic comedy and was exactly tt. I liked the songs especailly one of it which he celebrated his bdae with the gal. Didnt quite agree with all the stupid dialogues in the movie. A lot of it was rubbish. Like things tt were said usually dun take place tt easily in life. Those scenes were suppose to make the audience cry but i felt tt it was redundant. After the movie, i spent the nite with kabi,suvin, kalai and sanjay. These guys are extremely fun to be with though i jus gotta know them. They re damn nice fellows who can mix with others very easily. Since we were at yishun i didnt really take note of the time, in the end only reached home at abt 1.

Saturday went to meet up with Faye and the rest of them at Daryl's place. Went there purely for her since i badly wanted to meet her. Wanted to give her the duck tt i bought for her. We went to play table tennis there. Imagine an indian playing table tennis. How good can it get? I totally sucked at it. But was quite hilarious and fun. Enjoyed my time with them though it was for awhile only. Hope to meet up with them soon. Met up with my sji guys after tt to play tf2. Was fun though I and suresh got raped in the game. Ended up eating at Surya's at Little India. I was surprisingly feeling very full and tired once i reached home. Didnt eat my last meal properly.

Today, we were suppose to play soccer match but somehow got cancelled cos we were too late with the planning. Next week most probably can but i got a funny feeling we wun have enough ppl. Lately it has been pretty irritating tt a lot of ppl cant come down for any of the soccer games or trainings tt we have. It was a mutual understanding tt every sunday we gotta keep ourselves free and somehow come down to play. However, i am hearing weird things from diff ppl. Pretty irritating. We always end up with the same 5 to 6 guys who willingly come down to play. With this kinda turn out, i dun think we can go for a soccer match. dun think its easy to have ard 11players. Hopefully later, the rain doesnt spoil our street soccer plan.

Ermm, there was some memorable moment for me this week cos something happened when i didnt even expect it at all. Was quite surprising and shocking at the same time. But i am quite relieved that there was a full stop to it. I thought it would be never ending. Though i have mixed feelings abt the outcome, well somethings ends up to be the way tt they re suppose to be. Not everything in life tt u want, comes to u. Tts one thing tt i learnt from this. Quite funny to think back watever i have done for a better outcome. I cant imagine myself doing such things at all. Well let it be kept within me. Shall never tell ppl watever tt i did for that. Quite embarrasing tt i planned it all out n it looked as if everything jus happened by itself. Anyway, i am surely very affected by all these. In a way, i treat it as a major loss to me. But nevertheless, it aint the first time tt i dun get wat i want. Not new for me in life, to lose. I did try myself to forget abt it quite sometime ago cos i already knew the outcome but till tt very last day, it was extremely difficult. But now, there is seriously no reason why i should worry abt it. I dun think i would be prepared for anything, if u know wat i mean, for the next few yrs. At most 2-3yrs. Dun think its easy for me to be satisfied or impressed the way i was. But lets see where all this ends up to! Life sometimes, in fact always, is so unpredictable!
Ganeshan | 8:19 PM

Hmmm, feeling very bored and at the same time a littile depressed!!! Having a life with very little happiness in it really sucks. Looking at almost every single one ard u having a life better than ya really puts one down sometimes. There re ppl who cant go thru loniless for even a short period of time in their life! What if u will be lonely for the rest of ur life? Have u ever imagined tt? Well its a suffering to go thru such a life at this kinda age. The moment u think that these are so far all the problems tt we have and tt after this it would be ok, the next problem comes in. Things tt i never imagine myself goin thru is happening to me! Everything has happened so fast tt i am really lost here now! Dunno why things should turn to such a state. Its so amazing to look back at my life since i was young. So many things were so beautiful. Family, relatives, frens, leisure and outings with ur loved ones. There were jus more than tt which kept me happy. Slowly when i start growing, everything started to change. Family is so seperated, relatives dunno why they re even related, leisure-cant even think abt it, and finally happy moments-will there even be any? I dun see myself sitting down with my family anymore and having a normal meal together. There will never be a movie outing where i will watch it with my family. In fact, the last movie tt i watched with a family memeber was my mum, a surya movie titled vel! Was exactly this time of the yr last yr.

Comparing myself to last yr, many things has changed. The loss of my mum has really affected me in a very dramtic way. So many things would have been better if she was still ard. So many times, i have kept asking myself why has this gotta happened to me. The only consolation i have in life now re frens. Just frens! Even then, i dun want any of my frens to see any other side of me besides the happy side of me tt they often see. Being a person who likes to keep everything to himself, i hate any of my frens who tries to get into my personal life problems and trying to make me feel better and all. Not something tt i will expect from them and it jus makes me feel uncomfortable. I want my frens to be there for me but not get too inside with my stuff. There is a personal space tt they should let me be in. Trying to help me is one thing but trying to dig out wats happening in me is another thing. Hope my frens will help me forget the worries tt i am going thru instead of reminding them to me. Tt would be the best that they can do to me. So far most of my frens have done tt and have kept me going. I jus tend to be a diff person, as in the usual person i used to be, whenever i see them. Those re the only moments tt really make me happy nowadays.

This kinda post is so repeated i feel and i hate typing like tt. But, when a person is so lonely tt even his own dad cant give a shit about him, it really makes him do such stuff like tt. Having a person more than jus a fren to hear this out would have been so much better. But there is no room for tt in my life now! Its diff when such a person was to care for u cos they re truly for ya. This mite not be true, but this is how i think it is for me. So if frens of mine think i m not sharin wats happening in my life with them, this is a reason why. Recently a fren of mine said if there is anything bothering me, they re all there for me so dun think tt i m alone. Hearing such stuff makes me feel so good. At least for tt moment i dun think tt i am suffering. My dad jus returned back from phillipines. No one would know how much i prayed for my dad to be safe. I was constantly thinking abt him tt he should be alright and be back home safely. But what makes me so hurt is tt he cant say a word to me tt he was flying off. Even his arrival date was unknown to me. I have to hear everything from my maid.

I dunno wat wrong i have done. I have never disappointed my dad or mum in any way all my life. I have loved ppl so truly. But this is how it ends up. Both my family life and love life have been major disasters. Talking abt love, i really think tt i m quite unlucky with it. I have become a coward in it. Getting so close to someone and having some kindaf special feeling for them is something tt really scares me off nowadays. Whomever i have showed a liking have in a way avoided me. The level of fear is so high tt i would never want such a feeling to occur. And given my family situation now, i dun think i can even think abt all these.

For now, the way i am living my life is by enjoying the small hapiness tt i have here and there and suppressing all the sorrows within me hard enuff so tt no one can see it. So far i have managed it quite well. Hopefully i can continue as such for the next few yrs.

I really hope my mum is always here beside me. Though i cant see her i truly wish she is always somewhere ard me. I want her to be there. I want someone to talk to. I have no one else who i can safely say out everything to. I hope u re listening always. I dun think i will be able to forget u leaving me at all. Every thing keeps coming back thru someway. Gone re the days where i and u chat for hrs and the times where u will never let me sleep and force me to talk to ya. I never enjoyed talkin to anyone else on the phone for long time besides u. Each day of my army life both of us have talked. It was when we had our houseline cut tt we hardly talked tt much. You would ask me to put down my phone quickly then so tt my bill wun get higher. I still remember talking to u while i was in australia. I was searching high and low for places tt i can get reception while i was there jus to talk to ya. You even asked me why m i talkin so long when i am calling from overseas. You wun know how i felt listening to ur voice though you and i were seperated so many miles and oceans away. Wish u re seperated from me within a phonecall away instead of like now. Talking to ya would really make me feel so much better. But guess i can only dream for such stuff.

Hmmm, another thought within me keeps coming back. Think i have gone quite deep into it tt its hard to forget it totally. It is hard for me to digest tt i am not the one. Seriously, i dun even know if it was something tt the other person knows. Its really quite depressing to be rejected. Well, i was not rejected outright, but my actions were. Stopped me from doing anything further. Little things tt ppl did for ya, ppl who aint doing any gd to ya now, was so big to ya. When i wanted to give everything tt i could afford for ya, it was not even noticed. Really frustrating to digest tt. Well, this doesnt make anyone the bad person. Jus tt no one is perfect. But wished the outcome of all these would have been something else. Well, hopefully i didnt hurt anyone thru this post. Sorry if i did. Hopefully some exciting things happens to me soon tt would stop me from giving such posts!!!
Ganeshan | 4:07 AM

Alright, i promised to update abt the beach retreat in this post. Well, shall do it now. Monday morning met up with all those yishun ppl to get to harbourfront and then sentosa. Reached the beach, at palawan, at ard 12plus. I've got some things to say abt the way the retreat came out to be. Seriously, i think it was really well planned. The place at palawan that they went to recce for in the morning was quite good. We could do lots of things there. Like we had the beach courts and all there. Frankly speaking i only spent 3dollars which was for entrance to sentosa. Besdies tt not a single cent and it was actually very fun there. Beers kept coming though i dunno who paid for those. There were plenty of food and drinks. A lot of ppl turned up. Almost everyone participated in the games actively making it very sporting. I was really impressed. However, though everything was right at sentosa and we had plenty of fun, i and sachdev did something stupid. We decided to leave for tf2 with the NUS guys who jus ended their exams tt day. So all the both of us did was play handball, monkey on land and water, a bit of touch rugby and tts abt it. We were told tt we missed out the real fun part where the gals and guys played kabadi and dog and bone together. A lot of incidents happened after we left so yea, felt bad i missed out on it. Even the pictures were taken only after we left. Haha. So there is no memories captured of me and sach being there. But tt's not a issue at all. The thing tt made me regret was tt when me and sach met up with our ppl to play tf2, they were like aleady halfway thru the game. Plus the NUS guys were gonna leave like ryte after that game. So yea, defeated the purpose for actually going there. It was purely our fault cos we took the decision to go and play like very last min and didnt inform the guys properly. So tts why i regret so much tt i actually did something stupid. Well, tf2 wasnt tt bad afterall. But guess i can do it almost every other day. The retreat was like once in a blue moon so yea, too bad lor!

Tue i decided to rest well at home cos i was gonna head for the SFC/SJI chalet where nothing was planned till the very last moment. Planning was in the sense tt ppl were not assigned to bring the necessary stuff for chalte till the very last min. But yea, we finally did before the day of the chalet came so all the necessary stuff was brought down, besides one or two things tt eventually came. Now, as for the chalet, i was so lazy to pack stuff for the chalet even like one hr before leaving the hse. But did a quick one. Guess army really preped me up for this kindaf things. Me, suraen, bala and rama met up first to go and collect the keys for the chalet. I really suspected when suraen told me it was two storeys cos they took at coasta sands downtown east this time instead of our usual costa sands pasir ris which we were taking for the past 6yrs. I told him tt i didnt rmb seeing any two storeys when i was there before for a diff occasion. Well, things started off bad at the chalet as we realised we only were given one room to contain everyone who came down for the chalet. It was not the two storeys tt we wanted. A mistake happened as our guys mistook the 2nd storey for two storeys while booking. We informed everyone abt this the moment we reached there so tt they would not feel like shit when they come down. Good thing abt such a small room was tt it was unique and diff from our past chalets, we fully utilised the room plus we could keep the area clean at all times. I have to say tt this chalet was the chalet which i least spent and it was also very budget. We started off the chalet playing soccer. Had like 9 guys there at tt pt. Still had a few more who didnt turn up yet.

Afetr which, we headed to the pool to relac. As we were walking to the pool, we had a huge surprise waiting for us. Krishna made a special appearance!!!! Yes he was back!!! He was suppose to be in Australia cos he told us he could only return on the 10th. I was tellin at the start of the chalet tt we should have taken it like one week later. But when i saw him i was seriously speechless and was very happy too. He hide to us the actual date he was coming so tt he could surprise us. However, i was tellin suraen like last week tt i had a feeling krihna would appear in front of us to surprise us. Cos, he actually asked me wat drink i would like if he was to get it for us. So tt gave out a hint. But i forgot abt it during the chalet though i mentioned abt it. Anyway, i was more confident tt the chalet was gonna be good since these kinda things happened. After welcoming him back, we carried on to the pool and relaxed there. Was quite refreshing. I loved it at the pool. We made up stories saying tt actually it was krishna's ghost tt came down for the chalet or jus an illusion cos maybe he was still there at australia. Was damn funny but scary at the same time. imagine if what we saw was jus an imagination or a supernatural stuff. OMG!!!

We returned back to our chalet to bathe and get ready for dinner at downtown east. Ate at some malay shop where the food serving was really quite pathetic. We were also very hungry cos none of us ate properly for lunch. Returned back to the chalet after buying the mixers and ice for our drinking session at night. We decided to play cards, poker and blackjack. I lost every single game for poker. Couldnt win any shit. Lost like 10bucks jus for gambling. We started to jus drink at ard 12plus. Talked a lot of cock. Was damn fun when we recalled our past yrs' chalet experiences. At one pt of time, the management knocked at our door to tell us to keep quiet. I find it really dumb to be quiet when u actually take a chalet to have fun. And i can bet my ass tt we were noisy but in a tolerable way. It wasnt tt loud cos we were jus talking. The next door seemed to be more noisy than ours. Anyway, I enjoyed the tiger classic that i sneaked out from my fridge, which was actually something tt i bought for my dad a yr ago. Since he didnt wanna drink, i wanted to make gd use of it. We also finished up one bottle of vodka. They continued to play after awhile and i didnt want to as i didnt wanna lose more. Slept at ard 4 on the first day. Well, it would be better if i said tried to slp. cos i think i successfully slept for only 1 hr plus. The place was so cramped, cold and uncomfortable as a result of tt when sleeping.

Woke up at ard 8plus next day. Went for breakfast at downtown east. The prata was really pathetic. Returned to the chalet and planned to play soccer and frsibee with the new entrants. However, the rain destroyed our plan. So we decided to keep our activities indoor. We played Texas Poekr which was quite fun, after which we played Taboo. Was quite gd. Following tt we played Sherades. The sherades was damn awesome as we kept going for hrs. We all skipped lunch as we knew we were gonna be loaded with lots of food for nite. We catered the dinner from Keerthis' casuarina! And it was for 20ppl while we had like only 14-15. Haha. But we were prepared to whack it. Sherades was really awesome as we had the craziest titles to act out for. Like adventures of mr magu, mangorium at the emporium or watever shit. Was damn funn.

Dinner finally arrived. All of us were so bladie hungry tt we regretted we skipped lunch. Especially me!!! Hahaa. We decided to eat at our alocated table nearby our chalet room. Since the place was wet, we took rubbish bags to cover all the seats and tables. Were all ate at least two rds. I ate like a pig! Was so fucking hungry. We couldnt really finish the rice but we managed to finish everything else. After dinner, we prepared the area for gambling, drinking and some other games. Some of us went to get the mixers and ice and also the cake for sachdev's birthday. Well it was two months ago tt his b dae past but all of us were so busy. So we celebrated it then. A budget celebration though. Keerthi tot us a new card came which was called, in between. Tt game was quite ineteresting and all the guys loved it. After tt i suggested we go to drinking and a few of them suggested with all sorts of nonsense drinking games. We finally decided to try out Pasu's Big fish/small fish game. A fucking hilarious game it is. At first i tot it was lame. But we got a hang of the game after playing a few rounds. Solid. I purposely lost whenever i felt like drinking and after sometime i lost cos it was hard to concentrate as the game was very tricky. We finished up the barcadi with jus tt game.

Decided to play another game after tt bottle. We wanted to open up our all time fav, Chivas!!! Played 007 bang game! Was quite dumb. So we decided to go back to the fish game. Hahaha. After like a few rds, we started to play paattuku paatu(song for a song). Some of them were a bit high by then. Our aim was to keep ourself jus a bit high but not very. My face turned red for the first time and it was very evident. Though i wanst gone or wat. But jus showed tt my alcohol tolerant level had gone down. The paatuku paatu was damn fun too. We kept singing for like an hr. we decided to take a break and some ppl wanted to continue with cards. The time was already 3. I went to eat my cup noodles and was still very hungry. Went to buy macdonalds' meal. Came back ard 3.30 and fell asleep. Well have to mention tt i got reminded of a particular person when i saw someone else totally unrelated during our dinner. Was quite sad tt things cannot turn out the way tt i would wish it to be. At ard 2 i and rama were talking abt it and i told him tt i was feeling irritated and sad at the same time on why i cant pull it off with ermm ermm! Nvm, its a past story and past effort so i guess its stupid to even go there.

Today morning woke up, cleared the place and we left from the chalet. Was quite satisfied the way it was. Not tt bad afterall. Really very tired now and i m trying to recharge myself. Hahaha. Tts all for this post now guys and bye!!!
Ganeshan | 11:58 PM

Hey!!! I realize i have hardly anytime to blog cos i am hardly at home. Even if i am, i have other stuff to do rather than to blog. So yea tt means i have a plenty of things to say abt but i think not everything should be said here again. My blog has lately been very emo and most of the things happening re all repetitive. I'll try my best to change tt. Hopefully after whatever tt has happened!!! Now back to the updates!

My driving test was last week monday at UBI and i had booked like 4 driving lessons immediately after my exams were over cos i was quite rusty as i never get to drive properly during my exam period. The four days really helped and i made sure i was good at evry single little checkings tt could result in pts accumulating. So yea, actual day of test came and to tell you'll the truth, i never even had a thought of failing. In my mind, i knew tt the actual test is only gonna last abt 20-25 min. So jus do wat i did the last 4days, in fact the last 4months, properly for tt small period of time. I was so confident tt i had a feeling i already had the license in my hand. Anyway, i accumulated 8pts for the actual test and knew halfway thru the test tt i had passed. Hurray, i finally got what i was dreaming for! A total of $1,200 plus spent for this. Well, i think its much cheaper than school so yea, i am so happy abt it!!!! Passing first time is really a joy!!!

Well, for me to choose a test date on nov had many reasons. One major reason was so tt i can use the car that was never used for quite some time at my house, for the whole of december. However, my stupid ass of a sister had to "borrow" the car from my dad for a fucking long period like 2 months, which is gonna stretch till Jan end! So she actually ruined all my plans together with my dad!!! Haiz. But nevertheless, i managed to get the car like 4 days after i passed. Drove down to my best fren's place in Hougang from yishun to collect my P-plate. Was quite scary to travel alone at first but i didnt really got scared at that pt! Drove him back to yishun with me as i planned to drive my nephews and niece to Pasir Ris Park!!! I was actually having a fever tt day but i didnt really care abt it much cos if not i can never drive. I was also concerned abt the safety of my nephews and niece, which made my eyes wide open. Was so shiok to drive along the TPE. Travelled at ard 110km/hr. The kids really enjoyed themselves playing at the several different playgrounds there. So happy to see these kids really smiling and enjoying without knowing whatever tt is happening in their lives. So sad to digest the fact tt my nephews and niece had to start of with such a shitty life from the beginning due to the shitty parents tt they have. Really wonder why such beautiful kids have to suffer for a mistake tt their pathetic parents commited. Hopefully i can be the one who can erase away the sad portion in these kids' lives. I dun mind taking care of them throughout my life. At least, tt would keep them smiling all day long.

Saturday was my frn's 21st b dae party. Last major birthday party tt i had to attend for this yr after a yr full of spendings for these kinda birthday celebrations. I really enjoyed during the birthday, mainly because of the freeflow of beers. Had a good time drinking with the new buddies tt i made thru the twins and sharadha! They even treated me to clubbing after tt as i didnt have much cash with me. Everything was free for me tt day. Feel so bad but nevermind. They decided to force me into it too. Went celebrity's and stayed there till 5am. Finally a gd time to dance out all the stress and worries tt was within me.

The next day, Sunday was in a way a very impt day! A lot of things happened within my family due to my actions!!! I decided this was the day and chose to do whatever i did. Well, picked up an arguement with my first sis, since she caused my maid to cry. My maid is someone whom i really respect more than any of my sisters cos she really did a job more than what a maid would do. She was the one who took care of my mum till her very last moment. My mum used to say she is also one of her daughters and tt she is the only gd one. I knew the way my mum was taken care of and i used to smile at the way she was treated by my maid. Though she aint really part of my family, i respect her cos she loved my mum and knew how much her presence mattered when she was ard. For tt i will always be greatful to her!!! Coming back to the arguement, i really whacked my sis with all those things tt i wanted to tell her off since the time she chased my parents off from her hse last time! I pointed out at every single issue including how she had let her children to suffer, how she had the cheek to go have another baby which was formed jus one month after my mum passed away. Shows how much she actually "cared" abt my mum!!! I accused her for my dad losing all his money! She was so terrified tt she ran away from the hse. My dad got informed! He called me up. Even before he could start to say anything, he got a hell of a scolding from me for all that he has caused. I told him off saying tt he had shattered my mum's dreams and tt he knew tt he really did. I told him tt he had done everything tt my mum would never like, after she passed away. My dad couldnt even defend himself cos i spoke out everything tt was really happening. I also let out how much of sufferings i have gone thru alone for the past 9months. I told him the true meaning of a father and why he cant reach tt level. I ended off by saying the only person who mattered to me was my mum cos she really lived her life for us and tt she was the only one who truly cared for me. In fact, it is really true.

My dad had nothing to say at all and he knew tt he had disapponited me and my mum in a huge way! He told my second sis abt it. She called me up to explain. Jus when she thought she was gonna be safe, i scolded her for everything tt she had done. She was shocked to hear me say all that cos the only person who had said such things to her was my mum. I told her off tt till date, she aint doing anything good for my parents and tt the only thing tt she had given them were tears!!! She couldnt defend herself too. Finally i told all of them tt they need not care abt me at all cos i have the age to take care of myself and tt i dun need anyone else besides my mum to do tt. I said tt though they re not helping me at all, the least tt they could do for me was to not hurt me in anyway! So all that i was blogging for the past few months finally came out from my mouth. Somehow, i feel so relieved. Now i know exactly what kindaf situation tt i stand in my life and have came to realize tt there aint anyone who can come as close to how my mother was to me!!! I really believe tt she is still here with me and tt she is taking care of me. I shall go on with my life without being concerned abt anyone of the others in my family! On a sidenote, my third sister got married and my dad left to the philippines for 5days. Both of this information reached my ears thru my maid!!! How great eh!!

Back to my social life. I watched Vaaranam Aayiram with my frens on the same day. The movie related a lot of things in my life. Some were exactly the same. I have to point out tt there is no way my dad is like tt. The movie never resembled him at all. However, it was more to how my mum was to me and how i felt when she passed away. The confidence in me, the smile in me, the prolonged happiness and the feeling tt i was always cared by someone and the thought tt there was someone always waiting for me was all in me purely cos of my mum!!! She was really everything to me. Good tt movies like these could actually show how much ppl like me are suffering inside and respect those whom we have lost. Oh, the movie did not jus remind me of jus my mum. In fact there were more things into it. Well, they showed the feelings one would go thru when the gal, tt they like so much, easily say tt they wun belive in like acquintance falling in love with them and tt that they need to like get used to them by going out and stuff like tt. And when we say lets go out and find out abt one another, they try to tell us off tt it aint really easy to meet them. Thus they not even giving us the chance to actually go on abt it. So it is as though rite from the start, we re rejected! Then later on they showed the gal saying tt though they mite agree to accept the guy, the dad must like the guy, the family also must like and so on. All these re pure assumptions tt they make jus cos they dun wanna accept tt guy though it is true. I'm saying abt Jus tt part tt they decide tt their family members wun like!!! Well, i am stating this lines cos it actually did came out from a gal tt i used to like!!! Not directing exactly to me but it still did!!! And those things tt the gal in the movie said were somewat similar to what the gal tt i knew told! Well, only diff was tt i never did let out the fact tt i liked her. Anyway, dun think i wanna go there now. Jus talked abt it cos the movie recalled back all those efforts and feelings tt i was involved in. Anyway, this was really a long post. Sorry for making it so long but hope u got to know more tt is happening in my life this time rd. I have left out the part abt the beach retreat with my ntu ppl. Will say abt tt in the next post. Till then take care peepz!!!
Ganeshan | 7:03 PM