This past week had been boring for the first half and quite gd for the second half. The cj indians finally met up on wed for Krish, who is back from Australia! I actually spent 20plus dollars for my lunch. Ate the dynamite pizza at N.Y.D.C at wheelock place. Dammit man i never thought that goddamn pizza would be so freaking spicy. sharadha even warned me before i ordered. and i didnt care to listen. And i even poured the chillie seeds over the pizza, adding on more to its spicyness. Damn. Once i took the first few bites, my nose turned red, a bit of tears formed in my eye. Waaa. Damn hot. I was wondering how to eat up all the four slices. Really terrible. First time i got scared to eat something. This is my second time eating that pizza. But dunno why it was much hotter this time around.



I finally ran at the track after a one yr gap! Hahaha. Waaa. It was really terrible. I did warm up as usual, which was two rounds. But tt itself made me pretty tired. I proceeded on to stretch and felt aching on my back. And since i went gym in the moring the same day, my body was still damn tired and i didnt get to rest at all before the run. But the reason for me to go down for running despite tt was to meet up with Van and brendan. Especially van cos havent met her in a long long while. N she said i never came for any of the runs. So i decided i will turn up this time. It was at serangoon stadium. Yea anyway, van joined in after 20 minutes cos as usual she was late. She suggested we did 10rds non stop. Well if i was the tracker i was a few yrs ago, tts like quite simple and i will do it with a smile. But waaa, this time around, it was hell man. Really hell cos my body was just aching all over, the moment i started running for rd one out of the ten. At round two my back was really painful. Van seemed to have no probs at all. Haha. And i was purely suffering. I was saying to myself at that pt of time to just do 5 rds and end it there. But damn, brendan came and i didnt wanna show him tt i cant even complete like 10rds. So i kept going and the tenth rd i actually went much much faster as van increased her speed rapidly. waa tt wAS a killer. After that i was panting like mad and my whole body was damn wet. for once 10rds seems like an endless journey. I was damn dead when i headed for supper at newton after tt. And everything worsened when i actually slept. My whole body was heated up and full of aches. I was waking up now and then from my sleep. Cancelled my gym for next day cos of this. Well, conclusion abt this is that running is no longer my thing and i aint gonna go for such runs any soon. TERRIBLE!!!!



Well, there are certain ppl who have been making mistakes constantly. They dun seem to realise wat they re doing. its the same mistake as before. So that makes it worse. I tried to give in once, but now, no more!!! When u re nice to certain ppl, they jus climb over ur head. I used to treat someone really well, and was willing to help in whatever way tt i could. Even though i didnt get gd oppurtunities to do so, i still showed them utmost respect and they knew abt it. But the way tt i was treated before by them, which was they avoiding me, has finally got into my senses that now i realise that i shouldnt even bother being as nice as i was to them before. Not really, i m still treating them nicely but its jus diff now. They asked for it. I jus cant show any more concern or watsoever for them anymore. When u dun really appreciate something when its with u, there is no pt thinking abt it after that thing has left you. I said things because it applies to two diff categories. I doubt they even care if i am no longer behaving like last time to them.



And finally wanna comment abt one thing. Some gals re really getting into my nerves. Well some might be directed at my own frens but mostly, it aint. I m talking generally from my pt of view. when a gal knows that a guy likes her, they jus tend to make use of that situation and try to avoid and at the same time making the guys feel even more upset. Of cos gals normally care abt themselves first! (not everyone, there are many nice ones out there too!) So i cant expect them to be concerned on how the other party really feels. They even know tt when a guy is interested in them, he would not even look at another gal and tt all his concentration will be on the gal tt he likes. I dunno but the gals jus give me the feeling tt they enjoy when this is happenning to them. And they dun really appreciate for watever the guy does usually. Again there are a lot of exceptions to this. But yea, its only after the guy realises that he is actually wasting his freaking time, tt things start to change. The gals actually no longer gets the attention that they once had. So yea it worries them sometimes. And they start thinkin wat went wrong and they will never blame themsleves for watever tt went wrong. Hmmm with gals like tt, all the other gals re getting a bad image. There are many nice gals out there who mite not really look attractive but they really are beautiful at heart. I have listed out all these based on my fren's relationship with thier gfs and on how some fellows suffer when they start liking someone! I have frens who re the exceptions. They re really nice ppl. Wished most ppl could be like them. As for me, i wun be interested in anyone in the near future. Cos i jus feel tt it's quite a waste of time to actually like someone. Only when you know that the other party too feels the same way as u, things should start to happen. Cos it is sickening when it's like one-sided!


Oh, i saw a gal who i had a huge crush on in my jc days, when i was in town tt day. I was quite happy seeing her cos brought back all the memories of my jc days. Its damn funny to actually think abt watever i did last time jus to converse and see her. Hahaha. She was one of the most pretty chinese gals tt was in my sch. but yea, all this was last time. Damn fun laa jc days. Now only, got nothing of that sort. Maybe uni would be like tt, i dunno. Hahaha. hopefully its fun or better than jc!

Finally met up with Faye on Friday. She landed on the 22nd and we havent met her since then. Its jus a joy to go out with ppl like Daryl, Jun Jie, Branden and Faye. Even though i felt damn tired cos of the previous day run, i still enjoyed when i was with them. We practically ate the entire day. Went to the hip USA at Cineleisure. The food is not so bad especially the american brownie. The burger was quite huge and made me quite full. After tt they insisted on walking all the way to dhouby. Hahaha. I kept complaining. My legs were really aching. Then went to the starbucks at the Cathay and ordered my fav java chip again. Well the guys seem damn busy tt its very hard to settle with another day to meet up. We plan to play basketball and cycle. Hopefully we manage to meet up as planned without any cock ups. Lately life has been more interesting ever since the arrival of both Krish and Faye. Hahaha. Hopefully can have as many outings as possible.
Ganeshan | 2:08 AM

I have decided on something as for my blog from today's post onwards. Well, i am gonna try change the concept of my blog. I notice tt me listing abt my everyday activities is like really pointless. For example, when i play pool on like tuesday and when i talk abt it, its jus pointless. cos its not something really big tt has caused something big to happen. If i were to talk abt my soccer game, tt would be more sensible cos it contains more info, more of how i feel and more interesting in a way. At least the people who played or know abt it would bother abt wat i have to say abt the game. And sometimes when i get the time to blog like in the weekend, i seem to forget wat i actually did for the weekdays cos they re like not really impt or wat. My blog, i feel should rather contain more of my views on certain stuffs, abt things tt has affected me in some way and of other issues tt i feel should be talked abt. Its jus boring for even myself to read my blog and seeing wat i did for the day. Its like me forcing myself to actually type it out. Tts quite dumb in a way.

So with that concept in mind, let me start with today's post. Well, i have to talk abt one movie tt i watched twice for the past week. Its Dasavatharam!!! Kamal in Ten roles. Well, i read abt the movies reviews before i went to watch it. They jus downgraded the entire movie saying tt there was no story, no link between the kamals and tt it was a lousy movie. So after reading all these, i still decided to watch the movie. Being a kamal fan, i cant afford not to. So yea, bastard my frens and watched the movie with rama in a weekday. We wanted to watch it at Causeway point so tt no one could spot us. Cos if we had gone to the yishun theatre, ppl mite have the oppurtunity to notice us. i felt damn bastard cos i told my frens tt we will all watch it together and tt we had to wait for all our guys to return back from overseas. But, the hype tt the movie created could not keep me away from going to the theatre earlier. So yea, we decided we should catch it first and if it was gd, we should go second time!

Now as for the review, i think that the mive was really impressive. There was story. Kamal did perfect job in doing all the ten roles. i was amazed by his efforts. Quite cool to see like 2-3 kamals for every scene. My favourite of the kamals was fletcher, the bad guy! Hahaha! The Balram Naidu also cos he is damn funny. And i like avatar singh's look. Haha. Well bad things abt the movie would be like wat some ppl said. Ten roles was not really needed. I am not sayin he did not do a gd job. Just tt there are like 3-4 kamals who re really not needed in the movie. The tall guy, the old lady, the black guy are all so random and really not needed. but i find the other kamals all relevant. Some of my frens were like sayin other ppl could have been used for the other roles. I find tt very stupid. cos firstly, they knew tt kamal was doin ten roles. And of cos any guy could do tt role laa but kamal chose to wat. So appreciate for the effort laa. Mite seem simple and artificial laa the make up, but he spent like 8hrs jus for it each day from wat i read. So yea, i respect the effort.

Well, there is one thing tt the movie talked abt. The scientist kamal was like an atheist. Well i jus found out tt in real life he is an atheist. didnt know abt it at all. Quite shockin to know abt it. Cos, as for me, i m like not praying to any god. And i have told my frens tt i have no belief in praying. So now ppl mite think tt i mite be like tt since i kamal fan. So let me clear tt doubt. I mite be a fan but not until the extent tt i follow wat he does and like give my life for him all. He jus happens to be my fav hero on screen tts all. Not believing in god is my personal choice. If one asks me why, i would actually say tt this choice tt i took was because of certain reasons. I used to pray to god when i was very young. I prayed to lord vinayagar. He is like my family god! So yea. Since young i have seen all the problems in my family. I m the youngest so i gotta see all tt from young onwards which actually changed me quite a lot. My parents are really firm believers and they pray to god religiously. But, wat happened for such nice parents tt i have re not wat they deserved. And i definately knew tt they prayed for all their kids to have a gd life, tt they would have a bright future and all. But, i havent seen any of them turn out tt way. Instead, they went against my parents. there were some major events tt occured in my family when i was like 6 yr old. I still cant forget. As i grew up, i witnessed a lot of other problems tt my family faced. i was always with my parents even then. didnt give up on them. Helped them even though i was like only sec3. Not tt it was a big effort or wat but i did wat i could. And yea, i began to feel tt prayin to god was not so useful. Cos, nothing really happens. what u pray for, u dun get most of the time.

So yea, i decided. i should be a free thinker. And stopped praying. Tt was in secondary school. Well, i didnt see the pt whereby devotees have to perform certain stuff. I dun wanna mention wat. I jus dun see why they have to do such things. did god ask them to do it? Will god only help when we ppl feel the pain? Must we really do something for god for him to return back the favour? As human beings we re taught to forget the gd that we do for others and remember wat others do for us. But why its not the same for like God. Why does he expect something from us or we make it seem as though he does? Till a certain pt in my life, i was jus a free thinker. i respected watever my frens did for god, and whatever prayers tt i had to attend since others asked me to do it. But, one day, everything changed. From a free thinker, i have start to beileve tt there aint God. Well, not as strong an atheist tt u mite think i am. I still do respect religions and wat ppl can do for their religions. But personally, for me, i dun believe on someone who i cant feel, see or hear. Well take note, i added those words feel and hear. Cos some ppl mite qn me tt air cannot be seen so does it mean there is like no air. U cant see but u can feel. Same for my mum! She aint ard and i can no longer see her. Does tt mean i dun believe in my mum? No! I still feel my mum. She has somehow passed her blood and something in her to me that i can still feel her. Even before her last momenets, i didnt feel alrite. There was something really wrong in my system tt i was jus not feeling normal and felt something was gonna be gone. There is a link. so i belive that she still is ard within me. But god! Where? I havent felt before, i never seen him and i have never heard him. I dun wanna say tt my mum is my god. Cos i think she is better than God. She can be heard, seen and felt. And she did help me when i needed it. Not like god who didnt when i asked.

Well, the main reason for me not to believe in god is after my mum passed away. Its not tt she passed away tt i dun pray to god. Its tt she actually uttered out something tt i heard, during her last moments. She actually knew something was happening and she actually said, "God, please safe me!" She actually even mentioned the God tt she wanted to help her but i aint gonna reveal tt. Besides tt, there re some children whom re thrown away jus becos they re not born in a proper condition. like they re a bit abnormal. Wat did these kids do for them to suffer until such an extent. Tsunami, The Earthquake, Tornado all these re still occuring now and then. Taking away millions and billions of lives away. Why? Why aint god saving them? We ppl, cry seeing the ppl who have suffered. We actually help them by giving our donations and all. We re doing wat ppl pray to God to give. Well, i really believe tt GOD is the heart tt actually helps ppl when they really need it. A lady in her old age, not needed by her kids anymore, seeling tissue papers trying to eat one meal a day is someone who God cant help? Well i will. does tt mean i am better than God.

Some ppl can ask. Does tt mean i only appreciate if good happens and agree that God exists then. Well, let me clear tt doubt too. Every good thing in my life, is cos of real life ppl and myself. I have never given the credit to God in anyway before. And any bad tt happens, i am also not blaming tt God caused it. It jus happened. what has to happen will happen is my theory. We cant depend on God to alter it, is my opinion. Tts why i believe tt there aint God! So any bad that happened or good that happened is all not cos of God! Cos i feel there needs to be one if i was to point my fingers at. My mum's death, tornado and all other disasers tt happened can be blamed upon ppl's negligence, the plates movement tt causes the disasters and fate. Yea, i think there is something called as fate. what has to happen, will happen. But we can try sometimes to alter it. But we cant depend tt on God. Believing in ourselves is better than believing in God is my policy!!!

Anyway, enuff of all that. I am really happy that my frens who went overseas for different reasons, have returned back home. they re really close ppl to me that i am really quite happy from their return. Plus i saw a movie which i think was damn gd tt i even bought the vcd. Santosh Subramaniam it is. Harini is damn cute plus the acting and storyline simply power. the humour is the best part of the movie. Well, thats all for this post. Hope u enjoyed reading it this time ard. C ya real soon.
Ganeshan | 6:40 AM

Well, i m damn bored. Stayed home entire day! My Hulk outing got cancelled last min! Nvm no pt getting irritated on why it was cancelled. I expected it afterall. Soccer yesterday was really gd. Really played all out and did wat i wanted to do. which was to play rough and whack up some ppl. Hahaha. Scored a lot of goals. And made a lot of irritating body contacts with the opponents. I hurt myself twice but at the end of the day even though i was super shagged, I felt gd! When i woke up today, my whole body was aching which caused me to cancel my gym programme! Haiz. Damn boring!

Anyway since i stayed at home the entire day today, i decided to watch some tv programmes. Watched this Rajni-Karthik movie tt i havent seen before on Sun Tv. It was damn nice. Cos the whole movie is what tt happened and is happening in my family! Its abt this gal who loves a guy who is useless and the parents who allow their gal to love but re discontented when they find out its him. And the gal jus throws away the entire family and leaves for the guy. And even when the parents accept the daughter decision they get chased away from the wedding which happens abrubtly! and since the parents got saddened by it, the mum of the gal passed away. well, if u think this is too dramatical. This is wat happened in my family or is still happening. Jus tt my sis havent gone to the marrying stage! My mum's last wish was for my 3rd sis to realise her mistake n not to end up living with such a pathetic fellow who depends solely on her money. Despite studying so much, my sis doesnt seem to have the brains and most importantly, she doesnt even have a heart. She told my mum once tt she wun even come if she is dead and days later, she jus left the hse as though she left for some camp. We didnt even know tt she has totally left the hse. We really tot it was air force trg! And we tried callin her when my mum wanted to see her badly during her last moments. she didnt come at all. Only after she passed away, she came with her fucking bf! And she cried so loud in front of all my relatives trying to show tt she loves my mum a lot. But only i know the truth. I know her well. She didnt respect my mum when she was alive. All fake. As i tot, it was true tt it was fake cos she disappeared totally after the day where we went to the crematorium. She didnt do the necessary things for the next 16days. And since then, i havent seen he once.

We msged her, called her but to no avail. She jus didnt bother. She had a cheque tt was supposed to be banked in by her. the money was from my mum's cpf. If it was not banked in, it was goin to end up going to the govt. We explained but she didnt care. And my dad had to drive all the way looking for her at her bf's place. To be specific, at his blk the void deck. Hmmm. How low has she gone. My dad saw her last week after damn long. And he told her abt the cheque. She said ok and all. My dad asked her why she aint coming back home. she gave a reason which i knew was totally bullshit. She said tt she will be frightened by my mum's images ard the hse and her photo. She said she cannot take it! I told my dad tt she can recieve oscar for acting so much and not to trust her. My dad didnt listen.

Sunday was Father's day if u'll rmb. My dad was angry tt my sis didnt get back to him abt the cheque issue again. So he went over to the same place again on Saturday nite. He waited until my sis came out from the lift. He went to her the moment she came out. Ask her why she never reply. And guess wat she revealed the real reason why she dun wanna come to the hse. She shouted at my dad saying she left the hse cos she hated my parents alot and why is my dad still disturbing her after she has left hse. She said she will report to police if my dad comes again to see her. Like wtf? That pathetic bf of hers ran away after seeing my dad. And she could side him and can jus throw away my dad like tt. Afterall, he brought her up all this yrs. He would drop her in school even it was jus a few km away and so tt she can sleep more. He always showed a lot of concern for each and everyone of us. And this is the present she gave him during Father's Day.

I came to know this yesterday during Father's day. after i wished my dad, he called me and he actually told me how disheartened he was after hearing such words. He said he will never ever talk to my sis again and tt the relationship ends ryte here. I feel damn sad for him. He is really very nice. Jus tt my sisters dun appreciate him. All he wants is for them to live a gd life. but they jus dun understand tt. Tts why 2 out of the 3 sisters' lives has been ruined. If only they listened, things would have been diff. And my 3rd sis is the worst. Cos she saw this all and still cannot learn from it. So i am really speechless. she will realise only after she gets burnt! Haiz.
Ganeshan | 6:32 AM

Have been going out a lot the past week. Tue was the only day i stayed at home i think. Cant rememebr wat really happened tt day. Well, wed watched kung fu panda with Murali, dhinsu, Rama and Sachdev! It was a really nice and hilarious movie. Enjoyed it a lot. The panda is really funny. Then did something interesting on thurs. We booked court at Kallang to train for netball. Me sharadha Pasu Dhinsu Ashwini and her two frens Maisha and Kavitha went for the trg. Well they guys, since we were new to the game, were taught the rules and all for the game. Well, seriously, i never tot netball was tough in the sense tt there re so many fucking rules to abide by. Firstly i dun like the fact tt its a non-contact sport. Secondly i hate the one metre rule. Thirdly i am frustrated with the stupid stepping rules. I m only used to playing all the rough games where a lot of contact is use plus some game where the tempo is really high where u have to keep moving ard really fast. But netball didnt seem tt great since the momentum is already spoiled without the roughness as most of the time i have to bother if i would bang onto some gal or like commit a foul. So yea didnt really like the game even though it was fun during the trg. We trained for like 1hr plus and then left. the trg itself was for our netballuxion competetion in the weekend.

Fri played team fortress. Was quite a wasted day. since we wasted plenty of time travelling to play tt game. At ard 10 Rama accompanied my dad and maid to East Coast Hawker Ctr. Ate fucking lots. It affected me in a great way as i was sugffering from this constipated feeling while sleeping. Which actually hindered my sleep for like damn long. I only managed to sleep at ard 4. Woke up at 8plus. Then felt damn sleepy and moody when i was going for Netballuxion on Saturday. I took part in the mixed Netball Category. Hmmm the event was really good. everything was smooth and nothing got delayed. Eevrything was in place. But, i was jus not feeling ok cos of the previous day food. My body felt damn weird. But yea as for the game itself now! I was shocked to see the size of the court as it was reasonably small. Cos when i trained i trained half court too. But this was really too small. I could like cover the length with 3-4strides. There were two courts and i felt court 2 was bigger somehow. Mine was court 1. So, i didnt even sweat. didnt really move ard tt much. The umpire kept blowing the whistle cos i kept commiting fouls. I was very scared tt i would injure the gals so i jus stood most of the time as if i got like no energy to play. We lost the first two games. I didnt play the second game at all after the first game cos i was jus irritated with netball the game. Seriously not my kinda game. Saw like baboks there for mixed event and was further annoyed. The last game i played by hecking the rules. Jus banged ppl, tapped the ball off ppl's hand and jus played rough a bit. Was much better. Cos the tempo of the game was better and we almost won. But somehow they scored a last min to make it a draw. Well i dun mind losing but i decided one thing for sure. I will never play netball for a competetion anymore. Cos seriously hate the game. The event was definately nice and i am not saying cos my fren was the organiser. It was gd in the sense tt there wasnt a time wastage or delay and there were so many other things going on besides the games itself. So quite kewl. Any female netballer would have enjoyed it thoroughly. Even male netballers. But i m not a netballer or wat so yea, didnt enjoy the game! I decided to show my frustrations and roughness that i couldnt show in netball, for my street soccer on Sunday. Gonna whack whoever comes my way hahaha. After Netballuxion, i went to celebrate Ruben's Bdae at Amk's Jack's place. The food is really damn nice there. Maybe i was too hungry. first time we celebrating ruben's bdae properly. Was not bad. Jus tt not many ppl came since some went overseas and others had some other important fuctions to attend. We bought him a poker set which cost quite a lot. But yea guess he likes it.

Went dhinsu's hse after tt to relac for awhile. We wnated to laugh our ass off so watched a Mega Hit Comedy. Guess wat movie was tt? Our Captain Vijayakanth's Arasangam. Was really hilarious. We were keep on commenting abt the movie every single scene. Hahaha. Dhinsu was a powerpack host. He served us with drinks meaning alcohol, beers, murukus and even self-made ash trays for the smokers. Was nice down there, very relaxed. Glad tt i went. After tt got home and slept really well as i was out for tt entire day. Fucking sian. Going for soccer soon. Gonna make sure i have plenty of fun. Tataz!!!
Ganeshan | 11:53 PM

I was watching some drama series today on tv! A scene came whereby the patient had to use the oxygen mask for breathing. It jus made me switch off the damn tv cos reminded me of the entire incident again.

She was breathing normally till then and had slight difficulties breathing occasionally. But dunno wat made her ask for the oxygen mask. Her breathing detoriated gradually right after tt. She looked even more pale. The nurse had to take the mask off for awhile and when she did, she struggled for awhile as if she is out of breath. I shouted at them to put her mask immediately. she turned back to normal. I told them immediately after tt, tt she was really having breathing difficulty and told the chief doctor to come. at that time only I and my sis were there. I did most of the talking. the nurse said the docs were coming. But it took damn long for them to come. I repeatedly asked the nurse to check on her breathing. she jus pointed to the respiratory curve on the screen and kept telling me it was 100percent. The doc finally came and she checked on her. She said it was normal. But moments later she brought a more experienced male doctor there. He found tt something was wrong. And said he wanted to attach a wind pipe through her lungs. He wanted me to decide since my dad was also not there and i was alone. My sis came and she seemed very blur. I looked at her and she was really out of breath. I was jus tearing. Felt something wasnt ryte. Even though the doctor didnt make it seem tensed. But i jus felt something. I hold on to her head and combed her hair slightly. Kissed her and asked her if she wants the wind pipe. she couldnt even reply properly. She jus nodded a bit. I told the doctors to arrange. They did. But they told me have to shift her to the ICU. I was thinking why is it so serious. I said ok. She was turning very pale and kept looking upwards. I went to her and kissed her repeatedly while tearing. I told her dun be scared. She'll be alright. She then asked me, "Will Mum be back Ganesh?" I started tearing more but tried not to show her tt i was crying to see her like tt. I tried very hard to hold back the tears while replying to her. " Dun worry mum. U will be alright! You will be back for sure. They jus transferring u to the room beside. dun worry. I'm here waiting for u. Dun worry i'll be here with you!" I kept kissing her while tearing. My sis was jus behind me. She saw me so i tried to hide my tears went i turned into her direction. The docs ask me to move aside. they shut the curtains. The male doctor told me he was gonna change everything to ICU settings from where she was. I was jus getting more and more worried. My heart felt heavy. I was really down. Dunno how to explain it but its jus a feeling that no one should experience. The doctor went in and closed the curtains. They were saying like," its going down very fast. Faster hurry!" One nurse came out and told me to stay out from the place itself. Not jus outside the curtains but outside the room's door. She didnt look at me properly when saying it. I went out and i heard one of the nurse shout at her,"aunty u gotta believe in urself. If u dun help urself we cant help u!" I rushed in but they kept asking me to stay away. Then the doctor brought the respiratory in and told everyone to move back. Moments after that the nurses were saying, "pump faster!" I was really stunned and looked lost. The doctor finally came out to me and he looked very disappointed. I was there with my sis. No one else. He came to me and told this," well, i would like to inform u that ur mum has suddenly collapsed! We re trying to revive her back! But chances re 50percent and lower. There is no pulse rate. Everything shows zero!" Tears started flowing down faster than ever. My sis was crying too. I told the doctor "pls try to save her. Pls bring her back." He said,"we re trying our best but no guarantee!" I calmed my sis down say dun think negatively. Told her that she will be back. My dad finally arrived. He saw us tearing. He went in. He drew the curtains and went in. And he was stunned. He came to me angrily and said," They kill her already. She is dead." I rushed to her bed. There she was not moving at all! Totally motionless. They had removed her top to use the repiratory. Wat i saw was a human body which was like a dead frog. She didnt look normal at all. Her eyes looked to her top right. Her toungue, she was biting it. Her hands were tightly gripped. The screen which they kept pointing showed that everything was zero. I screamed at the nurses who were there. Told them abt wat they had caused to happen and asked them to look at their fucking screen which stated wrongly. Was screaming my lungs out. My dad had to stop me from hitting the doctor. I told the other patients there to go different hospital. If not the same will happen cos the ppl there jus dun take care of anyone. i fought with the police who came there. Scolded them with all the vulgarities when they told me ,"dun make a scene!" I shouted at them, "You would only know the pain when ur mother dies! " And started listing out all the vulgarities. Went over to her dead body and cried. Couldnt stop crying but kept crying. Some of my frens called but i couldnt tell them properly. Was jus crying again and again. I told her she will be back and she believed wat i said. Now i have cheated her. She didnt in the end. I gave her the fat hope. I lied to her. I should have pushed for the blood transfusion. I should have asked her not to wear that mask in the first place. I should have screamed at the hospital staffs much much earlier than tt. Its too late now. My Mum, the best soul tt i have ever seen, the one that i loved the most, the one that i always played with and the one who always talks to me and the one who always cared and showed me love... is no more!!!!! She did ask god to save her when she was struggling the first time they took the mask off. I heard her say tt. Where was God? Where? Why didnt he save someone who believed him? what is God when God cant even help a person who needs help when dying? How can i pray to someone who didnt bother saving the person who I wanted to be with me all my life. She was the nicest person i knew and why her? Its unfair. I wun pray in my life anymore! Not to someone who cheated my mum. And i hate myself for lying to her too! I cant stop crying! It comes everyday. The smile tt i put up infront of my frens doesnt come in easy. Only i know the pain that i have to suppress within me. At times ppl see me with eyes which seems damn red. Dun ask me why, cos there is only one reason for it to be like tt.

I still see ppl who dun treat their mum nicely after whatever that happended to me. They could tell me how their mum are irritating them and all! I wish my mum could nag at me,that she can scold me and tt she could at least talk to me. But can it happen? Please respect and cherish the moments with ur mums! U dunno what u've got till its gone! Dun cry after everything is over. Make all ur mum happy and fulfill all their wishes before its too late. Make sure they dun have to worry abt anything at all regarding u! And most importantly, love them more than anyone else that u'll know! You ppl re lucky u still have the someone who i dun. So pls dun waste ur time on unnecessary stuff. Show ur love to them in watever way u can and keep them happy forever!

I would like to say jus one more thing. U mite not be here anymore and u cant see me tear for u each and everyday in my life. But u always knew that i loved u the most and no one can kill tt love that i have for u! U re still living in me! Hope u re safe up there!
Ganeshan | 12:39 AM

There is nothing much for me to say abt Saturday. One of the most boring saturdays in recent times. Well, let's go on to Sunday! Sunday was our match against Dragonaut FC at anderson sec! Almost all who were suppose to come, were there. Prasad and Pragalth started for SFC in a soccer match for the first time. Ian dominic, our new acjc counterpart also came down to play in that match. Well, i was supposedly the right back for the match. But somehow, i was also doing the right winger's role since Sara is not in Singapore. Well, first half we didnt play tt impressively or wat. But we still managed to score 3goals. Rama scored the opening goal. I took two shots, one from my left foot. Didnt go in. The other had the right amount of power exerted but hit one guy who was on the way. So yea tt was abt it for first half. Second half we played much better. I was happy with all the thru passes tt i provided to keerthi who actually converted it into a goal. We scored 5more goals in the second half. And i was happy cos i scored one for myself. Was at the right place at the right time. I saw the keeper running out and 2 other defenders. So i placed the ball where the goal post was empty. Yea man. Was getting very shagged cos i was running up and down. Suresh and pragalath were really gd at the defence line. The two were enuff to handle almost everything. Overall, we won 8-0 and its our first victory which i expected. Still can improve. Next match most probably will be on 22nd june. We re doing the necessary arrangements.

Today went gym in the morning with Rama. Afternoon watched Muratu Kalai. all the fights were super nice. Then in the evening met Rama at OCC for pool. Won him 9-5. Haha. Jus happened to play slightly better today. Wednesday gonna watch Kung Fu panda! A lot of my frens told me its awesome. The reviews also damn gd . Another show tt i am eager to watch is Never Back Down. It looks like fight club. I am kinda addicted to the song apologize again, but not the timbaland version. The Original version by One Republic is the one tt i am addicted to after Aristal. Have listened to it like 15 times since the morning.

This week got Netballuxion. I m looking forward to it actually. Cos we mite be having trg all on Fri. Plus i told my team we aint going there jus to show the support but also to put up some good fite. I have somehow regained my fitness. So think i am almost prepared for it. After netballuxion itself will be having ruben's bdae celebration at Amk Jack's Place. And immediately after tt we mite go Dhinsu hse for drink! His parents going overseas. Hurray! Free drink!

Anyway, i dun see a pt why i should even bother looking for a relationship. Its like still very early. Got plenty of time ahead. Now only 21. So i dun see a pt and i dun even regret. I am happy to be the way i am now! No worries, no conflicts and no unnecessary commitments. Haha. Well there is still time for everything to happen by itself. Nowadays getting harder to trust almost anyone. Even the nicest person doesnt seem to be nice afterall! And seeing so many ppl being so immatured regarding their relationships jus tells me tt i am on the correct path. Let time decide everything yea!
Ganeshan | 7:27 AM

There was a lot that happened this week since last Saturday. Time for those updates now. Saturday i went to play pool with Sara, Rama, Ruben, Suresh and Suraen. But Suraen left very early and when he left, only me, ruben and rama were there. Shows that Sara is never early. A man with no sense of timing hahaha. Suresh had a reason to come late so it was ok. Well we played the 5-men elimination game. That game lasted for damn damn long. Took abt 45minutes. But was really hilarious and fun.

Sunday, was our second soccer match after our pathetic game the first time around. Well, we were really trg quite hard after the first match cos the ref for tt match really looked down on us and we seemed really pathetic. So this time ard, we wanted to make sure we played a proper game. We did change the formation. Train the guys the position tt they play. Then yea now abt the match. It was at 11am at Springfield Sec Sch near Tampinese. Almost all who were suppose to come down for SFC came except for Prasad. Guess he got drunk the previous nite. We had altogether 13 players, meaning two subs. I played right back, my prefered position, after a long time. And guess it was easy for me and Suresh since we have played for the defence together in many other occasions. So we managed to hold the defence well with Keerthi and Sachdev for first half and Pasu and Suraen in the second half. Overall, we played quite well unlike last time. We all sustained throughout the entire match and in fact wanted to play on more. However, i am quite disappointed with our strike force. Firstly i feel they re too slow and secondly, they dunno how to get into position. We missed like 3-4 solid chances out of which one really pissed me off cos it was a open goal. Ruben jus passed the ball to the opposite team's keeper. From defence i was scolding ruben with all the vulgarities tt came to my mind. And yea final scoreline was 1-0. We lost. The other team didnt get any chance tt day cos of our defence but somehow they manage to convert one cos at tt time a couple of mistakes happened in our defence. Honestly, quite a lucky goal. We deserved to win tt game. But nvm i was happy with the scoreline though and i was ok with the loss cos i didnt expect to win at all after our last game. Shows tt now we have improved a lot. Can compete in proper form already. And surprisingly a few other teams re looking forward to play with us. Seems tt facebook has helped to our publicity hahaha. Hmmm. Even the ref mentioned that we played quite solid. And this Sunday our match is already confirmed at Anderson Sec Sch against Dragonaut FC from 3pm to 5pm. I told my team tt its definately gonna be our first win. We have more guys coming down this week. Like Pragalath, Vicky and Gurshan and maybe Prasad will join in. And besides them the 12 of us from last week minus Sara. Sara left to India and will only return back on the 19th. Which means we need a proper right winger to replace him! Looking forward to it. Problem is dunno who will be subs cos its hard to inform ppl tt they re not starting!

Monday, pool again. Me and dhinesh VS Ruben and Rama. We played doubles. Sadly after coming back from 4-1 down to 4-4, we lost the final game. It was a race to 5 btw. Mon Night i heard something really dusturbing and stupid. Bladie immatured. I was wondering how ppl could get so childish tt they have to find problems for the stupidest reasons. I was somehow dragged into the pic as though i did something wrong. I could only laugh tt this happened. Really Stupid! Proves tt i have grown much older than those ppl! Tue met Pasu at Amk. Pam, Pasu's fren was leaving india so they jus met up. Kurseth was there too. Soon Murali, Sachdev joined us. Pasu was eating all by himself. Never wait for us. Haha. Pam left after tt. The rest of us went to amk mrt station and waited for Dhinsu and Gapsa to join in. Missed like 20 trains during the wait. Finally, left to Far East and Wisma! Sachdev wanted to get shoes for his bro's ROM and Pasu wanted Slippers. Pasu managed to buy and Sachdev saw wat he wanted to get. They didnt take tt long too so was alrite. We had dinner at NaNa Thai at Far east. The chicken Fried Rice was absolutely delicious. Not bad.

Wed i decided to stay at home. Thur went to Teck Ghee for Street Soccer. Pragalath, pasu dhinesh Ruben and Rama came down. Really unfortunate tt it had to start raining once we reached there. We waited and the court was pretty wet. So we started playin with our bare feet. After tt when it became dry, changed to our shoes and played a 3 on 3 first to reach 21 goals game. Hahaha. Murali made a guest appearance in the middle of that day with Kurseth. Seems like i am no longer as shagged as before after playing. Can last longer. Oh tt nite itself, my toe nail jus came off. There was blood clot all. That whole toe nail was damn black cos of the blood clot for the past 2months. Finally came off. Now i dun have a nail in tt toe. Its starting to grow though. Was quite pain.

Friday was BTT. Passed it and booked for my FTT which is on August 1. I gonna make sure i pass it first time. cos i dun have much time to get license. Gonna start looking for a proper private instructor and start lessons till August first. Once i pass i gonna book for PT. tts the plan. See how things go. Heard most private instructors would want their students to take FTT first. Nvm i know of a few who dun. So shall go for them. Anyone who can suggest any other solid instructors pls do!!! Die die must get licence soon so tt NTU wun be tt much a prob for me to travel. Played pool at Nite. Again dhinsu and me VS Suraen and Rama this time. They kept winning seven games straight. Something was really wrong. Hahaha. Then finally we won like 2 of one which was to tie their scoreline. So which means we tied 7-7 though we won only two. Last game they won. Damn sad hahaha. Tts all that happened in the week so far. Sat seems boring to me as there are no plans. Next week should be quite interesting though, with netball and Ruben's bdae celebration. Not tt bad.

I m kindaf addicted to the senthoora poovae remix tt i heard at Jeanz. Its Damn addictive. The dance beats re really catchy. And take a bow by rihanna and ride it by Jay Sean have also been songs tt i listen to like 4-5 times a day. Hmmm. Anyway, glad i took some decision jus in time before something happened. I am quite happy tt i settled with tt decision cos whatever tt happened after tt, shows a lot. Lucky in a way!!! Happy man i am now with no worries! Looking forward to SundAY's soccer like fuck. Cant wait!!!
Ganeshan | 7:56 PM

Ride it By Jay Sean

(Let me feel you)
It's been about a month and twenty days
And were going round and round playing silly games
Now your saying, slow it down, not right now
Then you wink at me and walk away


Ganeshan | 7:27 AM