Nothing much has happened this week! Since monday I have been staying at home mainly due to financial constraints hahaha. Hmmm basically i jus feel ill tue nite all the way till thur. took some time to watch Drillbit Taylor which was quite childish and not so funny. Pretty stupid movie! Friday went out with Daryl Jun Jie Vanessa and Brendan. Jus ate dinner at kfc there. And walked ard for awhile. After tt left home. Hmmmm. This is all that happened for the week. How boring eh! Nvm it was due to me falling sick.
Well, couldnt sleep properly at night. Everytime u think too much abt something, this happens. And i think of two things only but tts enuff to spoil my sleep. First thing is something tt u'll have read quite often from here. Yea, its my mum. I suddenly remember the times with her when i am trying to sleep each and everyday. She usually stops me from sleeping when i say "gd nite" to her. She loves to talk to me. She jus expects me to sit down with her in the hall to accompany her and talk trash with her like i always do. She loved the way i talked, i laughed, i tease and the way that i handle things in my life. She appreciated me in every single way. I usually go to the hall whenever she asks me" re u really gonna sleep? can u jus come here awhile and keep me company?" I never slept a day without telling her gd nite. We talked a lot and i always tell whatever tt i have in mind. I only kept one thought away from her so far. And i regret not telling her cos she would have been very happy. Really i know how she would feel. Hmmmmz. Its hard to live a life without someone who you truely love. N i dun wanna depend on anyone after she left. I dun wanna tell all my sorrows to anyone. No pt. And some ppl mite not be even ready to listen to wat i mite want to say so i dun want to also. Well this links to the other thing tt i often keep thinking abt. That this void can never be filled by anyone. I envy certain ppl who have a certain person to pour so much of concern for them. Not tt i want anyone to show such concern. Thats not wat i want. I can take care of myself. But i jus wonder why there isnt tt someone who can at least have the thought of doing so. Jus the thought matters. But even that isnt available it seems.
The feeling sucks. I am not as emotional tt i mite sound here. In fact i feel very clear of things. I jus feel i have wasted some precious thoughts on someone who mite not even care a single bit about me. Weird. Well i dun like to keep anything within my heart. Even if the person happens to know tt i am talkin abt them, i cant really bother cos this is my blog and i'll say absolutely anything. Could be anyone. A certain fren, a family member or even a stranger. If u think i am talking abt u then seriously i dun care. If u care to read my blog then take watever tt is written here. And if u need it to be said to ur face then i will say tt to ur face too. I have done tt for ppl who knows abt me. Quite direct i am in the way i handle issues like tt. Well tts besides the pt. I tot i should stay with my decision but now, i am re-thinking. Is it really worth it? The rate of failing seems much much much higher. But somewat, i jus dun wanna give up. Like one of my frens said, " give even ur last ounce of effort left, if u really want something so badly!" Hahaha. Sounds kewl though but yea, i think i should do what i m suppose to do until i m not needed!
Ganeshan | 3:53 PM