There is no one else to show any love for me Mum! You were the one and only One and Now u re Gone. Leaving Behind a Family which doesnt look like a Family to Me. A dad who doesnt really listen to me and does something really wrong despite me stopping him. A sister who is here for only the money and nothing else. A sis who cant listen to ur last words and keep doing the same mistake again and again. A sis who only came to see ur motionless body and who have disappeared since then. I m lonely at home Mum. No one for me here. I am not used to being like tt. Dad simply cant show the love that u showed and he has fallen in the trap that ur bladie daughter has set for him. I feel so lonely Mum . U have made me suffer the most for loving u the most! Do i deserve this? I dun even dare love anyone now. The fear of them leaving me behind alone one day is jus increasing day by day. I have no one to cry this out to now Mum. Why did u leave ur boy alone here? Why do u wanna see me cry like some girl? U knew how strong i was. I never felt so let down by anything and always handled things positively. Now, all that in me is gone Mum. Ever since u left. I jus feel i m totally useless. I aint full without you here. I have never been so let down in life before. I dunno wats happening. The life that i always used to appreciate, now seems redundant. I have no one else to show me the love! Why have u gotta make me cry out for someone else to show me tt love? I never really bothered abt such stuff. The void u have left behind is causing me all these pain tt is really hurting me. This is a very painful punishment for someone who loved u so much! Why? I dun understand. Everyone else around me looks normal. Why have i gotta face such a dull life all of a sudden? I m scared Mum! I dunno if I am alrite. I feel lost in this world, where u used to guide me. Help me Mum, i dunno who else to turn to!
Ganeshan | 4:30 PM

Hey hey! I m still aching after Sunday soccer match with Budget Orange Army FC. That was Shooters FC first ever field match even though we have played field matches before as TFC. Well, I'll talk more abt the match later.

Last week Friday, i followed Suraen to queensway. He wanted to get his puma soccer boots for the match on Sunday. Afterwhich, we met up with Sachdev and Dhinesh at Lido for movie. We watched Harold and Kumar! Hmmm, the movie is damn lame and it was suppose to be. And yea i liked the lameness. So not that bad. Ryte after the movie, we took the bus to NJC. Sara joined us in there. It's true that there was a Debate finals going on there. But our purpose of going there was not to watch that debate, instead, watch our fren Ruben perform his dance in the entertainment segment. No comments abt it! Ruben did his electrifying moves as usual. The dance jus lacked some energy and power. They seemed quite lethargic when dancing. But overall the entertainment segment that njc came up with was quite gd. Had free food after that. Hahaha. That was the best part. The school i think is freaking big. Can get lost. Its times four of Cjc. Hmmm. Sat was like a stay home sat for me as i was gearing up for our first ever field match together with this team! Watched like all the movies that i can in that entire day. Om Shanti Om(Nice), Vathiyar(Okay), Malaikottai(Not Bad), The Hottie and The Nottie(Sucks) were the movies that i watched and watched Jodi no.1 and Man U vs Chelsea. Was damn sad abt man u losing. Damn. They ahd two solid shots on target the last few minutes. But wasted. The ball was cleared off the line. That was practically my Sat.

Now, the match. Rama Prakash Suraen and I drove to Peninsula to collect all the jersey before the match. Met up with the rest of the guys at Broadrick Sec after that. We looked damn pro when we were distributing our jerseys, shorts and socks. Even our warm up was a bit too much. Took a photo before we began. I have gotta say. I was shagged out ryte after the warm up itself to be honest. But i didnt tell anyone. Cos i was jus stunned by my own fitness. But yea, tot it wun be that bad. Finally the match kicked off. It was Budget Orange Army vs Shooters FC. Well, i shall not say anything abt the match. Just15minutes into the game, i was totally shagged out. Tts how bad my stamina is now. Omg i cant believe it myself. Despite being a runner last time, i couldnt outrun anyone of the opponents. Shame on me. 3 goals was scored by the opponents team in like 20min. I could foresee ryte then that my team would never score. Cos the ball like didnt even cross to the other side of the field like 95percent of the match. Our possesion was damn bad too.Like 5percent. Really quite shameful. Hmmmm. Our defence, we should have focused more on it. Cos Suresh was the only one used to playing defence. The others were jus learning. So yea aint thier fault. Doesnt come in easy but we should have organised the formation well. Big mistake from our part for taking things easy. I was dying in the second half. Was waiting for the fucking Ref to blow the whistle. It really seemed as though 90min had past. But yea, the whistle was never in the ref's mouth. so i jus asked ruben to sub me in the 90th min and fell flat on the sideline. Hahahaha. I was feeling damn giddy laaa. Totally no energy. Fully gone. Overall, it was a damn disappointing and demoralising match. We have never played like that before. All of us re simply jus at our poorest fitness level. But yea, we re not gonna stop here. Guess we need to start running and train on the field. Will never be this bad again. And i wanna go back to my golden position as the rb. Prefer playin that seriously. So yea. 3 weeks from now, mite have another match with maybe Dragonaut FC. We gonna train towards tt now.

The after effects of the match was really bad. Lasted throughout monday and even now. I met up with Van at city hall to get some present. Afterwhich went to watch cj track training at CCAB. Reminded me of those days when i used to run. Damn. I should really buck up my fitness level. This sat, i m plannin for a MacRitchie run. Die die must go. This week seems rather boring. Cos like no plans at all so far. Today itself we re undecided whether we should go out. Cos we dunno wat to do. I only know that Fri got iron man outing with my juniors. Well, i am jus bored like fuck. Anyone who is free and got bright ideas for going out, pls ring me!!! I am rotting!!!
Ganeshan | 1:30 PM

Have been really tired the past few days! Not cos i m working my ass off but becos of last weekend's activities. Sunday, even though i complained my body was aching, i still went on to play street soccer. Tts it, after tt cant even walk normally. And instead of resting well the next day, i went to gym. Spent the rest of the day at van's hse after that. Quite relaxed there but i should have slept well before i went over cos i was damn lethargic and tired. Brownie was awesome though haha and so was the company! Tue suppose to go NUS with COT, but i knew that NUS was having study break, which means all of them will be missing from school. I saw no pt going there since the COT was there to do medical check up which was gonna be like for hrs. So i decided to head to the gym instead and meet the COT at queensway after their medical. But somehow, the medical ended much earlier than i expected and they already reached queensway, which was the time tt i just ended gyming. So yea, cancelled my plan since there was like no pt to rush till queensway. I tot i could just spend the entire day at home like that since all the plans were cancelled. But yea, ryte after i stepped into the hse, i received a call from Sharadha. She was at northpoint with Raja. So asked me come along. So yea i decided to go. And my dad wasnt using his car that day so yea, we took the car and drove to clark quay. Raja is bad with directions man. But nvm. Hahahaha! It takes time. And after that came back to yishun to park the car as raja had to leave for like some poojai or prayers! So Shara and I went to the Starbucks at Northpoint and talk a lot of cock for like 2hrs. Just when i was gonna leave home, van called me for dinner at Serangoon with Brenda. So i said ok again. Yea, tts for Tue.

Wed was our jersey ordering day! Not just the jersey but the whole set which was the jersey, shorts and socks. A lot of things cocked up on that day. Like my dad's cashcard reader cannot function so we couldnt go anywhere before 7 since Peninsula plaza is like in city. Suraen's comp was malfunctioning and the image couldnt be registered properly. So i had to go his hse and somehow transfer the image. Damn! And by the time we reached penin was like 7.30pm. The shop that i wanted to print was Chopra Printings but he closes at 6.30pm. So yea ended up with this other shop. They charged us 50 for one full set. So we ordered like 17sets. Pasu paid half first. The remaining i have to collect by Sunday! The logo can only be printed in that shop and cannot be made onto a cloth and sewed on. So yea fucked up. And our idea of printing our names on the sleeves was abolished since the sleeve was like black and we were using black print. So we decided to go with the words at the back. After that went Sam Sam Murtabak Shop at Arab street. Was damn full after eating there. Sachdev called to tell me that the field is confirmed. Its at Broadrick Secondary School near Paya Labar. I immeadiately called the ref and he told me he'll confirm by the next day which was today. And yea he agreed to ref the match in the end.So kewl, we re on the way for our first match! Sunday 3pm-5pm. Kewl eh. Cant wait.

The whole of today i was at home alone. Suppose to go out with Sajeev, Se Wei and more but somehow, nothing happened. Sajeev didnt update on anything so i jus ended up staying at home. Was alone sia. Whenever u're alone, it aint a gd thing. Cos u start to think about certain stuff. Well i was looking at my mum's photo hanging on the wall. Everything like jus flashed past. Really cant believe it. I can never go by a day without talking to her. I am the type have to say things all the time. Not that i say things that re really important. I just utter out pure rubbish all the time. Tts me as u know. But yea, nowadays, there is like no one at home that i can talk that way and tell things that i used to. I am saying stuff to my maid instead but it doesnt feel the same at all cos i cant say everything tt i want to cos its like, she might not even bother listening. I just miss all those moments. Recalled all the times that i spent together with her. She'll like buy me stuff from outside everytime she goes out. 24hrs she will think abt me. Hmmmz. I dunno. Now it is like i have no one else besides my frens, father and maid. My dad is the kind who cannot show his affection and love all. He purely just works and hangs out with his frens at nite these days. So its not tt i can talk to him like i can to my mum. Its totally diff with my dad when u compare to the things i can do with my mum. I always call her to update her on stuff. Even when i was in the army, all the guys call like their gf. I call my mum instead. And we talk for like damn long. N if u know abt my family, i never had wat u call as siblings love or unity. We are all seperated. The only one i talk to is like my second sis cos she is the only nice one. But my dad told me not to mix with her anymore recently. Cos all three are humilaiting him even till date. I feel really sorry for him. He is such a nice and caring and loving father. Yet the daughters like dun appreciate his efforts. He is like 57 somemore. I m jus afraid man. Seriously. The only true family member that i have left, is him. And my maid who is like my sis to me! For all the love she showed to my mum. Hmmmz. I will help my dad as much as i can and make sure at least i dun let him down. So far, he is happy with me.

I realised something else while i recalled all the past. My mum, during her last few hours, only asked abt the three daughters. she asked the most critical qns of all. Like how is my second sister's decision to divorce and that she should not, whether my 3rd sis will change to the better and love someone who is educated instead of someone who deosnt work for nuts and whether the first sis will stop doing all the nonsense that she is doing even now. Haiz. That jus shows one thing. That she was fully happy with me. Wasted, she wanted so badly to see me go uni and get my liscence to drive her around. Now she cant! Even though i have done whatever she wanted. My dad was so upset about my sisters that he really talked from his heart when we were travelling that day. He sounded really damn sad and i really felt really low seeing him like tt. Seriously, no father should undergo such humiliation. Hmmm. As i said, the frens ard me, they mean a lot to me. Cos without them, i m practically gone. No life. I seriously cannot imagine. Even a small thing that they do together with me means a lot to me these days. I really appreciate all my frens. I was quite moved with the way van's family members are with one another. It really looks like a family. I have never experienced such a life after i turned 6. Her siblings re like a million times better. Why didnt i get such siblings too. Hmmmz.

I couldnt control when i actually recalled back the moments with my mum that i cried again. Its like, i am repaeting this for quite sometime already. But this is how my life has been. That feeling just hits me every now and then. I couldnt stop for like one entire hr. Hmmm. Really felt damn low. I couldnt stop staring at her photo. If i ever had a wish, i'll just ask for her back. Everything in this world to me now is so dull without her! Nothing seems to be the same. I dunno if somehow all these reached to my mum. I really wish she knows. And that she sees my cry and suffer like that in pain almost everyday. God is really unfair. He took away my dearest when there are like so many others ard. I really had like a small percentage of respect for God before she left me. Now, i'll never believe that what ppl think as God, ever exist. All rubbish. Why my mu, who is like the nicest person that i know. Who showed me what love is. And for me, For being a nice guy, this is what i get in my life. Totally Shattered! Who can ever show me these love that i lack in my family now? I really am dying to know! Life is really unfair!
Ganeshan | 5:51 AM

I am seriously tired and bored and there isnt anything else to do. So i decided to spend some time blogging. Fri was jus a normal outing with my guys at Toa Payoh pool. All of us were actually looking forward for the sentosa outing. Cos the last time we went together with our own clique was like in 2006, Jan 2nd. And a lot of them didnt come at that time but it was still awesome. Fri nite i couldnt really sleep at all. Cos i was jus way too hyper. Very very hyper. And i was so excited abt the next day. I was chatting with Sam for very long and a few other frens. She kept me company till i went offline to sleep, which was at 3.30a.m. I tried to say all the emo stuff so that i could reduce my excitement and go to sleep. But didnt work cos i was like laughing and smiling the whole time. Hahaha. Yea then finally slept at 3.45am and woke up at 8am. Was struggling to get up actually. But i did.

Sentosa outing was damn fun as expected. We had a little delay in the morning before we got there. But we had our alternative plannings in effect which cancelled out all the delays. We were suppose to fetch Sara, Keerthi, Pasu, Dhinsu from my dad's car. Rama was driving. Keerthi came late so we used that time to go buy all the bottles of mineral water. At harbour front hawker ctr, we packed all our lunch. And at 11 we reached sentosa. It was a grp of nine tt went there. Me rama sara keerthi pasu dhinsu pravin sachdev and suresh. All the others who could not make it had something on. But was quite gd though even with just the nine of us. We started out eating which was the biggest mistake. Cos everyone got damn full after that and we were dying while playing. Played like Soccer, Touch Rugby and finally Frisbee. Went to the sea after that! Played a little wrestling there and hantam ball before we finally got off that place. Well the most stupidest part of the outing was that we brought a camera but didnt take a single photo. So it was pretty wasted and redundant. Too bad you'll cannot see us showing off our hot bods and cannot feel the fun tt we were having. And spoilers for yesterday was a grp of idiots from i think bangladesh. They came with their entire family and had their bladie family gathering buffet at the beach. How stupid. We were jus next to them playing all the games and they had to place the food there. One of them actually had the cheek to ask me to move to some other side since they had like food there. I jus scolded him off saying this is a beach and u cannot expect me not to play. And i told them to shift to the sheltered place if they didnt want any conflict. But well, they decided to hold it at the beach. Bladie bastards. Then we created our own court. And as we were playing touch rugby, that family had to jus walk pass in between us to take picture. Chee bais. Why couldnt they go one rd. And wat if we accidentally hit their children. Seriously they lack some shit up in their skull. Assholes. We blocked them from cutting across in the end. Hahaha. Another unfortunate incident tt happened was my shades, which i lent to rama to use, broke into pieces. Keerthi accidentally put it on the boot and when we opened it, the shades jus got stuck at the opening in between the hatch and the boot. 12o ringgit gone. Haiz. Lucky my own shades still was in perfect condition. But yea quite sad tt the other one broke. Memorable sight was some FHM or maxim Gals having a photoshoot at the place we were. Hahaha. But well, they were not even close to pretty and they looked damn huge. So wasnt so great. But overall we had fun among ourselves.

After that we were suppose to watch the forbidden kingdom. I m so eager to watch that damn show cos both jackie chan and jet li are starring in it. Jus cannot wait to watch it. But somehow it got cancelled as we had to reach murali's place at like 6.30 for b dae dinner! So we drove all the way from Sentosa and went to Murali's place. The food was gd but damn, the bad thing in his hse was that there is like no cold wind or air. It was damn stuffy dunno why. They never put the fan to use and the air con didnt seem to be working. Like getting heated in an oven. But yea, had fun with this little boy, mahesh. Was playing with him the whole time there. So wasnt too bad. The company was gd. Left his place at 10.15. All of us were damn fuckin shagged. My hyper streak came to an end due to the tiredness. Just collapsed on my bed yesterday nite and couldnt even watch the man u match for the 2nd half. But yey, they drew in the end. For Soccer later, i dunno how i gonna move or run! Whole body aching.

Hmmmm there is something tt i wanna talk abt here today. Was actually looking thru one of my fren's fren pictures. Jus a random browsing and not with any intention of cos. haha. Well they had these grp photo and its like all the gals whom i know from the pic are already quite tall. But the guys who were in it were like one head or so taller than them. I m quite disturbed by that. All of them were indians somemore. I just realised that indian guys re generally taller than the other ethnic grps. And i m like below the avg height for an indian it seems. Well compared to my chinese frens, i m like the avg height. Almost all of them that i know are like ard my height or even shorter. I m like 170cm. Which makes me taller than 99percent of the gals. Hahaha. But its scary to see that all indian guys are much taller than me. Even in my own grp of indians, i m like one of the shortest. And being an indian, i gotta be scared of this fact. Cos i dunno if an indian gal would mind if i am like shorter than an avg indian and if she would use that as a reason to not accept me. Well that of cos sounds stupid but thats how i feel abt my height now. I really dun take it seriously when my indian frens make fun of my height but now it seems scary. Cos once, i was like going for only chinese gals and this fact that i m short didnt disturb me. But when its an indian now, i m jus disturbed. Hahahaha. But yea, the height according to me doesnt matter. U dun need someone who is like an ostrich to be ur partner. Its in a way bad for ur neck. I m jus nice man. Cos i m jus slightly taller than any gal. So everything goes well with it. If u get wat i mean! Hehehe. Well jus end this topic ryte here ryte now. I am not feeling inferior to anyone who is taller tham me or wat and i accept wat i am cos no matter how tall you re, u can never be close to who Garnie/Teggie is! Hahahaha. There is only one star and there is only one Garnie/Teggie. Well if u dun know wat i m talking abt, well the star refers to me!!! Hahaha adiyos!
Ganeshan | 9:15 PM

Hey yo yo yo! Well, i am jus too hyper today dunno why. Well i havent blogged for like one week eh! Well, jus too lazy laa, tts all. I m actually very pissed with myself for being so lazy for the past week. As a relief teacher, it is really hard to get schools to call ya. But u see, i m quite lucky tt schools keep callin me like everyday. But i have been rejecting all the calls like for the past 3-4 days! And the reason for rejecting is because pure laziness has set in within me and i jus wanna sleep in the morning. Cos i m getting all the morning sch offers now and schs call me like really last min. Plus i am damn lazy to travel from like yishun all the way to bukit panjang after struggling to get up from the bed! Monday i somehow went for the morning session but ever since then, i have become lazy. And cos of that i have jus missed a golden oppurtunity! Northland pri sch called me on wed morning and i didnt know that it was northland. Its like at yishun. Fuck man. And i should have jus answered the fucking call but i didnt. Cos of that, the chance has jus slipped out of my hands. Bladie hell.

Hmmmm, recap from last week! Cant really remember wat happened last week besides celebrating murali's b dae on fri at arab street. Well arab street it is! I didnt like the place to be honest but the company was gd! So yea nvm abt tt. We still celebrated and murali seemed happy abt it. So tt's enuff as we have made the b dae boy himself happy. Hahaha. Monday went sch to teach like p6. Was damn slack as i had to take the same class for the entire day. And the teacher left behind work for the entire day. So i jus had to go in and discipline the kids. Tue nite met up with van and brendan for dinner at serangoon. Never seen them for almost a month so i readily agreed. Wed, went queensway with ruben sara dhinsu and rama. My dad lent his car so was not too bad. Jus that the cash card reader was not working so we had to take routes that dont go under the ERP shit! Bought some 3/4s as i was lacking them. And bought my Soccer Boots already. Its Puma too! But i like it. The cashier typed the amt wrongly somemore. Total for boots and guards was 68. He typed 58. So i was damn happy. Jus quickly typed my pin and zoomed off from that place. Well nothing much as u can see! I jus met ppl for lunch or dinner and go gym everyday! Besides that, life hasnt been that happening.

As for future plans, this sat really gonna be fun as the SFC gang is heading to Sentosa! My dad again has lent his car. Kewl. And yea, after that will be murali's b dae celebration again but this time he organising at his place. So guess free food. Tts gd news for me! Hopefully we dun get so shagged on Saturday that sunday we cannot go down and play. But as i said, i will turn up for street soccer on sunday no matter wat!

Anyway as for SFC, we have decided on the colour for our jersey. We even got a shirt with a similar design as sample and so far everyone is ok with it! We have decided on a white jersey, with black on the wings and the wordings in red. Our team logo also will be included on the jersey. Kewl. This sunday i'll confirm with evereyone on the number and name that they want on the jerseys. And our jersey wun have names printed at the back. We tot tt was so old sch! So we decided on printing the names on the sleeves. So tt even when we play, only our team members will know the names when we call out for one another. We have also planned to move on to field soccer. Arranging for a match with a team already. Tts why i had to get my boots. Also have decided on our formation and who takes wat role. So everything is almost set. So exciting! I cant wait for the match!

Hmmm, i am quite happy the last few days. I aint confusing myself with stuff that i shouldnt think abt. And as for her, i cant wait to tell her but yea, have to wait no matter wat. I definately hate the wait cos its just a waste of time. Cos in the end if nothing fruitful happens when i break the news, all the wait is like pointless too. But u see this situation comes to everyone who undergoes this process of u know wat! Just sick to be so unsure of wats gonna happen as i m eagerly waiting for the day. But, i dun have much confidence abt it though. Not tt i aint confident abt myself. I jus roughly can guage how the other party will react to it. Future aint tt bright u know! Anyways, just have to hope for the better laaa! Watever it is, must jus be prepared to take it! The pt is, it is not the outcome tt matters! Its whether I bring the truth out to the light rather than keeping it in the dark forever!
Ganeshan | 6:31 AM

Gotten my new pair of Street soccer shoes on Sunday with Dhinesh and Prakash. All of us bought puma but different model. Was quite cheap la actually. We used it immediately for our soccer with the SFC later tt day. I wasnt as shagged as the last two weeks. Was much better this time around, cos of the refreshments we had in between the games. I didnt play well at all this time. Totally lousy. Was quite irritated with myself for not even knowing how to control the ball properly. Missed a lot of chances. Nvm shall improve this week.

Monday started gyming again. First monday after weeks, that i dun have to work. Went with Sara. After that met up with bully's victim for lunch at Toa Payoh! Was quite fun actually even though i was damn tired after gym. I didnt have appetite so jus had a dessert. Mango longan! Delicious sia!!! Hahaha. After that went back home and slept for like 2hrs till my sis call to wake me up. She told me she was free and tt she wanted to watch tamil movie! Since i was "vetti" at home i agreed. Free somemore. Who wouldnt go? Yea so we watched the new dhanush-Nayantara starrer Yaradi Nee Mohini! I enjoyed the first half of the movie when Raguvaran was acting in the movie. Really good performance by him. Well i was reminded of certain things during the movie as some of the scenes resembled wat happened to me in real life. There was this scene whereby Raguvaran will be on his bed the day before he dies, asking if his son loves him. Well, my mum was asking that question too for the last two days. She kept asking me! Guess everyone who is gonna die would know and this is wat they would ask. Another scene which no one cried besides me was Dhanush talking to an old lady when she was in her dying stages. He actually said something which is very true. When someone is alive, nobody really cares wat they want and what they are doing. Its only when they re gone, ppl start doing things for them or regret not doing watever could have been done. No one is really appreciated when they re alive. Only when they dun exist anymore, u appreciate them for their existence before! Very true indeed. I was hiding my tears and my mood was really gone fuck after this two scenes. Dunno why i have turned so emotional. Haiz. Jus moments ago i left to watch a drama while typing this. In that drama, some frens organised a surprise b dae party for a fren and they had a surprise gift for that guy! I was also wondering wat it could be. Well it was non other than his Mother! Cos the mum happened to be away for quite long and finally the son saw her and started tearing. Again, there goes my mood. Wished somehow something can bring back my mum too, to me! Why am i talking like that now. Haizzzz! Well lets go on with the post eh!

Tue, was quite awesome. Met up with Pasu and Dhinsu to go NUS. Just a visit so that we can see all our frens. But somehow, most of them pon school that day. Dammit man. We were quite lost in the school. Met a few frens though. Found out that there are three canteens. Yusof Ishak canteen(the lousiest), the Deck(my favourite hang out) and the techno edge(best food). We happened to eat at the lousiest. Got to see many ppl, from my jc and all. And met up with Anitha and Frens at Techno Edge towards the end before i left! Had to climb all the hills before i reached there. After crapping with them, Pasu Dhinsu and I headed to town to watch movie! As for the time spent in NUS, i felt it was very boring since i didnt get to see as many ppl as i thought i'd see and it was raining throughout which kinda spoilt the day. However was quite happy with those who i met. At least my journey there was not totally wasted. Hope i'll end up in NUS!

Well, had to find my way to town from NUS after asking directions from Anitha! In town, we couldnt decide on wat movie to watch as most of us have watched the nice movies already. So we jus anyhow chose one movie, which happened to be Casandra's Dream. Before buying those tix, we took our early dinner at Carl's Junior. Was really full after eating there, till my stomach was like gonna explode. Pravin joined us there. I was feeling very sleepy infact after eating that much. We had like an hour more to waste before the movie as it was only at 7.10pm. So went arcade and played three games of table ice hockey. Me and Dhinsu vs Pasu and Pravin. We won with an aggregate of 2-1. Hahahaha. Was still feeling tired after that. When we went to the theatre and when the movie started, i tot like wtf, i m like definately gonna sleep. There were two trailers that they showed before the movie which further increased my tendency to fall asleep. The movie titles were like "happening" and "Amusement". Like omg! Thats so stuuuuuuupid a title for any movie! Even the trailers were sucky. Who would even watch the movie then? Hmmmmmmz! Then the movie. It started off quite badly i tot. Cause firstly its like a British movie, so u know their accent. Its like kinda monotonous and quite hard to catch. So i was like wtf! Like the 3rd movie in 4 days and it had to suck. Thats wat i actually thought. But yea, 20 min into the movie, thats when everything started turning good. They always say dun judge a book by its cover. Was damn true for this movie. I was so involved with the story that my heart was actually pounding for like most of the parts in the movie. Was fucking good. The best movie i have watched after damn damn long. Everyone enjoyed it! Was so solid! Colin Farrel was simply awesome with his performance. Well it aint a movie that is being publicised well but let me tell ya, its the best and u gotta watch it! Damn good! I enjoyed it thoroughly. After the movie all of us were very satisfied and felt better. The movie made our day. And we went to drink some coffee after that. After crapping about wat happended back in Sji days and laughing like mad, we all shared cab back home. And yea. That was my tue! Quite fun actually.

I am quite free for this entire week and feel quite useless. At least this kinda outings makes my day fruitful. So far so good as i am like most of the time out! Not bad. This thur i dun even know if dinner with my batch of trackers is on. No confirmation yet! But yea i m still looking forward to it. Dun wanna disturb the organiser as its Sajeev and its his b dae today. So yea give him the benefit. Well, i m yet to type the post regarding my sis plot against my family. It will come in sometime soon when i really have the mood. Cos like now, the mood is really dying out. Hmmm alrite, i am heading for supper now with Dhinsu Suraen and Sara at Newton. Will be back with a much happening post next time! Tataz
Ganeshan | 4:48 AM

Tue was really one of the worst days! Firstly, it was april 1st and i was getting fooled by my frens and class. Yea that was quite fun though. Secondly, there was something that happened in school tt really spoilt my mood for the entire day. One female bitch actually scolded me due to some misunderstanding. She is one of the teachers there too. Well the issue was this! It was raining tt day and the p1, p3 and p5s all use the same exit to go out. And the exit is very narrow. So logically, they should have dispatched the classes according to level and also class by class. Tt would have smoothen the entire process. Instead they were all dispatched without order and my p5 class was one of the first few to be dispatched. So i took them to the exit. There, it was totally jam packed in front and i didnt understand why until i went to the front to see. One whole class was standing diagonally and blocking the entire path when actually two classes can fill that place. Cos of that, there was a very huge queue behind and there was no movement. So i went to the p3 class in front and told them to keep to the right so that the other classes can fit in and thus, a smoother flow will be enhanced. As i was doing that, the bitch jus came to me and she shouted at me saying, "p3 firsssssssssst. P5 can wait or nottttttttttttt! Aiyaaaaaaa!" I was like wtf. Why did she had to shout when there re parents, teachers and students around. I was damn sick that day somemore. So my reaction was quite slow and i was stunned when she shouted. I absolutely didnt say a thing! Ok nvm. I remained quiet. Guess wat the bitch did, she go bitch abt me to the other teachers abt that incident right in front of me as if i cannot understand. Then they gave me the "eeew" look. Damn. And nvm still, i went to my office to collect back all my stuff and leave home. She was exiting the same door at that time. She immediately halted when she saw me, cos she got frightened, even though i had no intentions to do anything. Then i got out and one other teacher came into the office. She immediately bitch about me again. Was so obvious. Arggggh! N i still didnt do anything. Thats not me man! She was damn lucky tt day. Seriously. Given my temper, i m a person who screams at the person right back if they ever did such a thing and make sure i cause them to cry and regret. I really didnt do a single thing back tt day. So the frsutrations jus piled up within me as i headed back home.

At home my mood was further dampened! One of my frens came to me online immediately when i signed in on msn. And she started asking me abt wat happened to my mum and how sad it was! Well, i understand she was concerned and all but seriously, that aint the way to tact those questions. Its quite sensitive and should not be asked as if its like damn normal or wat. And i am definately not happy answering those qns. Reminds me about everything all over again. And yea she did succeed in making me recall back everything. I jus told her off that i m in no mood to answer those qns and said sorry! Haiz!!!!!!

So jus imagine my mood at that time. And yea, one fren actually called me rite after that and played an April fool trick on me! The trick was like she pretended to be some new girl who actually wants to go out with me for dinner. Well i did know tt some fren was playin on me! And i didnt fall for it. Instead to be honest, i was jus irritated as i was in such a mood! But yea, they did it for the fun and it aint wrong. So not their fault seriously. It was quite a gd way to trick. But yea, would have been better if it was played on me some other time besides that time cos i was really not in a mood to reply.

That was the tension level on tue itself. The rest of the days i was still sick. Especially my voice. I couldnt really talk normally to the class but still had to pretend normal. In school i still pretended as if nothing happened on tue and yea, it made matters better as that bitch didnt show me that face anymore and she talked to me regarding a class as she needed my help. I jus smiled like i always do and helped her! So that prob in sch got settled after i offered my help. So thats fine. Fri was the last day that i had to do the HOD's job after the past 3 and a half weeks. The contract has ended. So tt means i m jobless for next week unless the school calls me back again which is very likely! Those who i have told the reason behind it should know why!

Fri nite was simply awesome. Firstly anything which involves meeting our old frens back in school days, really excites me. It brings back all the memories and its quite funny to see how ppl have changed over the yrs. I met Mark, Wei An and Yu Yang after like 2-3yrs! Hahaha. It was a long pending outing as it couldnt materialize easily as everyone was caught up with their own work, frens and all! Somehow, we did had some time for oursleves to meet on fri nite at casuarina curry for supper! Was really kewl to see them again. They were the closest to me in the class during my upper sec days! So i was really eager to meet them. And finally did. So happy. We talked a lot of cock. Talked about sji days! The happenings in class and what we used to do. Damn funny when coming to think about it. Those were the days sia. So fun and nothing much to worry about. Miss those days, seriously. Then we talked about our present life and working experiences. Hahaha. Yy was like constantly making fun of wei an's two men firm, i mean one man-one woman firm hahaha. And the boss who appears only in the photos tt was hung up in the office. Damn hilarious. And Yy's own working experience that caused him to quit his job was really so damn farnie!!! Hahaha! I laughed until i almost wanted to puke out all the food that i ate. The bad thing was that the shop closed damn early and we couldnt sit and talk. But who cares when we dun mind standing rightttt? We did exactly tt and stood for like an hour to jus crap ard. It was 1am by then. All of us left after Yy's mum called him saying that she will pick him up. I shared cab with Mark. Wei an lives jus there so aint that much a prob and that ass was still complaining. But yea, it was really fun and enjoyable. We re plainning to sustain these outings now and tring to organise a few more quite soon. The next will be a run at macritchie! Most prob like sat! I still havent confirmed with the rest about it! True tt i dun like to run anymore but anything to meet these guys man! They really make my day!

About a week back i told ya i had a similar outing with my batch of trackers! Also never meet for very long and at last we did but somehow, Sajeev didnt turn up for it. Aint Sajeev's fault as he didnt know abt it as Se Wei msged to the wrong number! Asshole hahaha! But yea now sajeev is organising and i am really looking forward to it. Anything, like i said jus now, that involves meeting frens who u made back in school days and havent met like in ages, will excite me in every single aspect. Cant wait to meet them this thur! Hopefully they organise more of such outings in the future!

Nothing spectacular happened on saturday so i have nothing much to say abt it. Just met up with Raja and Sharadha to watch a stupid movie at lido. Really stupid la the movie. Be kind, Rewind! Really pathetic and totally lame. Well since it was lame Shara found it awesome and it was actually her suggestion to watch that movie. Bad taste sia!!! Hahahahaha! Dun get sensitive eh!!!! Jus kidding! After that met up with rama and sara! I tried driving for like one round at the carpark Not so bad haha! Actually quite bad laa! Nvm i am a beginner so its ok! Cant wait to get my lisence! And i m Looking forward to Soccer on Sunday now with SFC again! Which is very soon! Well tts abt it for now! I forgot to mention abot something tt i really pissing me off as of late. It is something abt my sister plotting up against my dad to ruin his life and take away all his money! Well, if i was to type abt it, it would be damn long. I'll have a totally seperate post for it soon. So yea, lookout for the space. Adiyos!!!
Ganeshan | 10:00 AM

I m terribly sick now. Realised that it is hard to teach when u re ill. Cos u have to remain standing for the entire lesson, talk very loudly and also use your brains when doing the sums. I was like gonna faint. Somemore yesterday one of the p3 teachers didnt come. So i had to take his classes too. So for the entire day, i only had an hr of break. Well, i m still not recovered today.

Dunno why, yesterday i suddenly woke up at 4a.m and started to wonder about certain stuffs. First, i got reminded of mum, her last few minutes. She was really calling out God's names out, asking them to save her. Somehow she knew. And when i was holding her and kissing her on the forehead, she asked me if she'll be back! I was already crying then, didnt know why. All i could tell her was to be brave and that she would be back. I lied to her dammit! She somehow knew tt it was coming. I am so weak even when my body is lacking of water, like now. My mum was lacking blood. I can jus imagine how much more painful it could have been. Really tells me why she appeared so weak all of a sudden. I was jus tearing as i was thinking about it.

Then i was thinking of another person. Somehow i wanna end the wait in June. But i m quite sure that she already knows! When i was really emotionally down at one pt of time, i actually said something which could have hinted her a lot. With her ability, i wun believe that she doesnt know. And from the next day, after i accidentally said those stuff, it seems like she doesnt wanna lead me on anymore. I can understand her pt if she is doing that. And i can confirm that she has zero percent of interest for me. I dun wanna say what makes me think this way. Cos it aint very nice to bring out such evidences too. Well, somehow, i have got to tell her myself if not all my feelings would be wasted. And i know what the answer is gonna be. I am jus waiting for her to be relaxed and free. Somehow i have become very strong with my thoughts and emotions after my mum left me! I have used out all my tears for my mum that i have none left for others. I will never be that sad if i get rejected. Cos i feel, that is gonna be the most likely case.

Whatever it is, i will not be let down! I still do what's necessary to show how true i am. Even though i dun get much chance besides msn! Really pathetic! Wat to do! I am trying my best, but everything that is happening this yr is somehow going against my wishes! You should really know what kind of person i m from the way i treat my mum. That really will show a lot if u didnt know. Think abt the anjacks! They make their mum cry every single day, and for show, they'll get angry when something was said abt their mum. Their feelings re not so true. And that really shows in their relationships! Not jus anjacks, there re some normal guys out there too who re like that. Hmmm i lost my sleep from thinking about all this yesterday.

I know this post seems very emotional! Even the songs i was listening to during my bus journey was either abt mum or love! So tts why my posts seems really sad today. But dun worry. Bottomline is Garnie will always stay strong. It is her loss if she doesnt realise it. Of cos, for me too. Cos its hard to find someone like her! Well on the bright side, My entire day would have been really sad if not for sharadha today! Hahaha. She april fooled me! Tts when i started smiling for the day to be honest. So thanks a lot, if u happen to read this.
Ganeshan | 9:33 PM