I m terribly sick now. Realised that it is hard to teach when u re ill. Cos u have to remain standing for the entire lesson, talk very loudly and also use your brains when doing the sums. I was like gonna faint. Somemore yesterday one of the p3 teachers didnt come. So i had to take his classes too. So for the entire day, i only had an hr of break. Well, i m still not recovered today.

Dunno why, yesterday i suddenly woke up at 4a.m and started to wonder about certain stuffs. First, i got reminded of mum, her last few minutes. She was really calling out God's names out, asking them to save her. Somehow she knew. And when i was holding her and kissing her on the forehead, she asked me if she'll be back! I was already crying then, didnt know why. All i could tell her was to be brave and that she would be back. I lied to her dammit! She somehow knew tt it was coming. I am so weak even when my body is lacking of water, like now. My mum was lacking blood. I can jus imagine how much more painful it could have been. Really tells me why she appeared so weak all of a sudden. I was jus tearing as i was thinking about it.

Then i was thinking of another person. Somehow i wanna end the wait in June. But i m quite sure that she already knows! When i was really emotionally down at one pt of time, i actually said something which could have hinted her a lot. With her ability, i wun believe that she doesnt know. And from the next day, after i accidentally said those stuff, it seems like she doesnt wanna lead me on anymore. I can understand her pt if she is doing that. And i can confirm that she has zero percent of interest for me. I dun wanna say what makes me think this way. Cos it aint very nice to bring out such evidences too. Well, somehow, i have got to tell her myself if not all my feelings would be wasted. And i know what the answer is gonna be. I am jus waiting for her to be relaxed and free. Somehow i have become very strong with my thoughts and emotions after my mum left me! I have used out all my tears for my mum that i have none left for others. I will never be that sad if i get rejected. Cos i feel, that is gonna be the most likely case.

Whatever it is, i will not be let down! I still do what's necessary to show how true i am. Even though i dun get much chance besides msn! Really pathetic! Wat to do! I am trying my best, but everything that is happening this yr is somehow going against my wishes! You should really know what kind of person i m from the way i treat my mum. That really will show a lot if u didnt know. Think abt the anjacks! They make their mum cry every single day, and for show, they'll get angry when something was said abt their mum. Their feelings re not so true. And that really shows in their relationships! Not jus anjacks, there re some normal guys out there too who re like that. Hmmm i lost my sleep from thinking about all this yesterday.

I know this post seems very emotional! Even the songs i was listening to during my bus journey was either abt mum or love! So tts why my posts seems really sad today. But dun worry. Bottomline is Garnie will always stay strong. It is her loss if she doesnt realise it. Of cos, for me too. Cos its hard to find someone like her! Well on the bright side, My entire day would have been really sad if not for sharadha today! Hahaha. She april fooled me! Tts when i started smiling for the day to be honest. So thanks a lot, if u happen to read this.
Ganeshan | 9:33 PM